A Problem

Recently, I received an e-mail (the text can be found below), received by my dad from my uncle and forwarded to me. It was about the wonders of the banana. This e-mail claimed bananas can fix everything from mosquito bites to hangovers to P.M.S. (those last two alone would be enough by themselves!)

Of course, since this originally came from my internut* Uncle--who forwards so much junk that I take anything I receive from him with a grain of salt the size of my head--I had grave doubts as to the veracity of most, if not all of the claims.

So I did what I normally do: I navigated my way to Snopes.com, the excellent urban legend debunking site, and searched for "banana".

To my astonishment, of the forty-some hits I got for articles containing "banana", none of them was an exploration of these claims. I guess this is too new for them.

So I put it to you, the two readers of this blog. The entire text of the e-mail is contained below. Read it (warning: it's pretty long), and decide for yourself, based on your own personal knowledge, whether any or all of it is true or not.

Let me know what you think with a comment.

(Of course, I don't expect to get any comments, but you never know)

Text of the e-mail:

Never, put your banana in the refrigerator!!!

This is interesting. After reading this, you'll never look at a banana in the same way again.

Bananas contain three natural sugars - sucrose, fructose and glucose combined with fiber. A banana gives an instant, sustained and substantial boost of energy. Research has proven that just two bananas provide enough energy for a strenuous 90-minute workout. No wonder the banana is the number one fruit with the world's leading athletes.

But energy isn't the only way a banana can help us keep fit. It can also help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions, making it a must to add to our daily diet.

Depression: According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND amongst people suffering from depression, many felt much better after eating a banana. This is because bananas contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier.

PMS: Forget the pills - eat a banana. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood.

Anemia: High in iron, bananas can stimulate the production of hemoglobin in the blood and so helps in cases of anemia.

Blood Pressure: This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt, making it perfect to beat blood pressure. So much so, the US Food and Drug administration has just allowed the banana industry to make official claims for the fruit's ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke.

Brain Power: 200 students at a Twickenham (Middlesex) school were helped through their exams this year by eating bananas at breakfast, break, and lunch in a bid to boost their brainpower. Research has shown that the potassium-packed fruit can assist learning by making pupils more alert.

Constipation: High in fiber, including bananas in the diet can help restore normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to laxatives.

Hangovers: One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is to make a banana milkshake, sweetened with honey. The banana calms the stomach and, with the help of the honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk soothes and re-hydrates your system.

Heartburn: Bananas have a natural antacid effect in the body, so if you suffer from heartburn, try eating a banana for soothing relief.

Morning Sickness: Snacking on bananas between meals helps to keep blood sugar levels up and avoid morning sickness.

Mosquito bites: Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the affected area with the inside of a banana skin. Many people find it amazingly successful at reducing swelling and irritation.

Nerves: Bananas are high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous system.

Overweight and at work? Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria found pressure at work leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and crisps. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs. The report concluded that, to avoid panic-induced food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels by snacking on high carbohydrate foods every two hours to keep levels steady.

Ulcers: The banana is used as the dietary food against intestinal disorders because of its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that can be eaten without distress in over-chronicler cases. It also neutralizes over-acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach.

Temperature control: Many other cultures see bananas as a "cooling" fruit that can lower both the physical and emotional temperature of expectant mothers. In Thailand, for example, pregnant women eat bananas to ensure their baby is born with a cool temperature.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): Bananas can help SAD sufferers because they contain the natural mood enhancer tryptophan.

Smoking: Bananas can also help people trying to give up smoking. The B6, B12 they contain, as well as the potassium and magnesium found in them, help the body recover from the effects of nicotine withdrawal.

Stress: Potassium is a vital mineral, which helps normalize the heartbeat, sends oxygen to the brain and regulates your body's water balance. When we are stressed, our metabolic rate rises, thereby reducing our potassium levels. These can be rebalanced with the help of a high-potassium banana snack.

Strokes: According to research in "The New England Journal of Medicine, "eating bananas as part of a regular diet can cut the risk of death by strokes by as much as 40%!

Warts: Those keen on natural alternatives swear that if you want to kill off a wart, take a piece of banana skin and place it on the wart, with the yellow side out. Carefully hold the skin in place with a plaster or surgical tape!

So, a banana really is a natural remedy for many ills. When you compare it to an apple, it has four times the protein, twice the carbohydrate, three times the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice the other vitamins and minerals. It is also rich in potassium and is one of the best value foods around. So maybe its time to change that well-known phrase so that we say, "A banana a day keeps the doctor away!"

PASS IT ON TO YOUR FRIENDS

PS: Bananas must be the reason monkeys are so happy all the time! I will add one here; want a quick shine on our shoes?? Take the INSIDE of the banana skin, and rub directly on the shoe...polish with dry cloth. Amazing fruit.

*Definition of an internut: Someone who believes any thing they learn through e-mail or from the internet is the absolute gospel truth--regardless of how silly or obviously wrong it may be. Also defined as someone who passes said thing along to EVERYONE they know!

Cutting Through the Crap

In an attempt to cut through all the spin surrounding the whole Karl Rove/Valerie Plame/CIA/Judith Miller/Robert Novak/etc. scandal, the good folks at factcheck.org have put together this timeline of the whole affair, from 1988 to present.

I can't say enough about these guys. A former journalistic colleague of my dad's was once a member of their team (I won't say which one--no permission). I find their honesty and fairness to be quite refreshing in these days of spin, counter-spin, and outright dishonesty in politics and the media.

I encourage the three people reading this blog to use their hotmail accounts and subscribe to their e-mail updates. They don't send them very often in the non-election years, but when they do, it's usually pretty important.

Best. Headline. Ever.

Update (7:40 P.M.): Just in case you think I made this using photoshop, here's the link to the page.

A New Feature

Today, I plan to start what I hope will become a regular weekly feature on this my humble blog. I plan to call it "Tales From My Documents".

Y'see, I've saved quite a few MS Word documents on my computer. It's mostly funny stories, jokes, and aphorisms I've been e-mailed, and a few things I've written myself. And, in the interests of preserving this miscellanea for future generations, I hope to post at least one document each week, unedited and in its entirety.

(Actually, it's really just a way of coming up with at least one post per week that doesn't involve me writing anything new. But you didn't hear that.)

Some of the "tales" will be funny, some sad, some touching, some sappy, some angry, some depressing, and I cannot promise you they will all be entertaining. But I'm going to do it anyway.

So having said that, here is the first of what I hope will be many entries in this series, chosen at random from the "My Documents" file on my computer:

Tales from My Documents: Volume 1
Document title: 12 Rules of Life
Date created: 3/31/2003 Date modified: Same Source: E-mail

Text:

Sometimes we just need to Remember what the 12 Rules of Life really are...

1. Never Give Yourself a Haircut After Three Margaritas.

2. You need only two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape.

3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are "I apologize" and "you are right."

4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

5. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.

6. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her -- believe them.

7. Learn to pick your battles: Ask yourself, "Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?"

8. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.

9. If You Woke up Breathing, Congratulations! You have another chance!

10. Living Well Really is The Best Revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about you.

11. Work is Good, but it's Not That Important. Money is Nice, But You Can't Take It With You. Statistics show most people don't live to spend all they saved -- some die even before they retire. And everything we have isn't really ours -- it was given to us by God; He just lets us borrow it while we're here...even our kids.

12. And Finally ... Be Really Good To Your Family and/or Friends. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.

A Tale of Two Caps

I would like to tell the three readers of this blog about two caps.

Both of them are red.

Both of them are sports-related.

Both of them have the logo of the Detroit Red Wings.

One is much fancier than the other.

I know. You're asking, "Why the hell are you telling me about a couple of caps?!"

Well, the reason is that I used to wear one of these caps almost every day. The simpler cap I wore during the Red Wings' regular season. The fancy one I wore during their playoff games.

But I hung both caps up on pegs in the wall when the NHL went on strike. Neither cap has been worn since. For a while, I feared neither cap would ever be worn again.

Now, howwever, it would appear that the NHL labor dispute has been settled. The NHL may once again resume play.

But both caps will remain hanging on the wall until the first time a skate worn by a Detroit Red Wing touches the ice (A pre-season exhibition game will be fine.)

Hopefully, that won't be too long from today!

Why Do They Do It?

Early yesterday, Londoners paused for two minutes of silence to honor the victims of last week's bombings. It must have been quite a sight to see--and hear!

Following closely on the heels of this was the announcement that the attacks were carried out by suicide bombers. A disturbing development, to be sure.

And it's one that got me thinking: Just what is it that causes someone to become a suicide bomber?

Now, I don't claim to be an expert in psychology, religion, or politics, nor do I claim to be able to read anyone's mind, but I have developed a theory that there are three basic types of suicide killers.

Type one: This is a person who lives in abject poverty every day. Ignored by society in general, every day is a struggle to survive. Suddenly, they are approached by a kindly-looking man (or possibly a woman). This person tells them that there is a way out of their miserable existence. There is a way for them to be taken straight into paradise, where their every need and want will be fulfilled. All they need do is walk into a crowd of non-believers with explosives strapped to their body and set them off. Most of them jump at the chance.

The only way to stop this type of bomber is to fix the cause of his or her poverty in the first place. An admirable goal, to be sure, but not one likely to happen in the near future.

Type two: This is a person who has been trained almost from birth that all infidels must die! It is the will of God to destroy as many non-believers as possible, and the quickest and easiest way to do it is to walk into a crowd with a Semtex vest and press a button. After that, you will instantly be taken into paradise.

The only way to stop this type of bomber is a bullet. Sadly, we may never be rid of this type.

Type three: This is the most complicated (and possibly most insidious) type. This person is usually very young, possibly early teens. He or she is a child of reasonably well-to-do parents. The parents are just like any other parents--they are overworked and rarely home when their child is, and even then, their social interaction with this child is limited to a few hours, or even a few minutes.

This child (I still call him or her a child at this point, since that is where he or she is emotionally) goes to their selected place of worship on a regular basis. The leader of said institution, or another important figure within said place of worship, befriends the child.

Normally, this would not be a problem. But in this particular place of worship, said authority figure is an extremist. He or she begins to teach the child, subtly at first, but becoming more and more blatant over time, about the evils of the infidel (any person not of their faith). Slowly, gradually, the child begins to believe at first that infidels are bad, and will be punished in the afterlife. Soon, he or she believes that they will and should be punished for their evils on this earth. Eventually, the child has become so far brainwashed that he or she believes that the infidels must be punished on earth, NOW! And that the best way to punish them is to kill them while killing him or herself.

Like I said, this may be the most insidious form of suicide attacker--the kind that would normally grow up to be a normal, decent human being, but that has been corrupted by the political agenda of an extremist religious authority figure.

Please note that this type of extremist brainwashing is by no means limited to any one religion. It has occurred far too many times in the past, in most, if not all, of the organized religions of the world. It is the kind of extremism that teaches people to lay waste to entire cities, killing everyone and everything within. It is the kind of extremism that teaches people to throw bricks through the windows of Muslim businesses, and then kill the owners of said businesses when they come out to defend themselves. It is the kind of extremism that teaches people to give their children Kool-Aid laced with cyanide before taking it themselves. It is the kind of extremism that tells people to wait outside Planned Parenthood clinics with Molotov cocktails or sniper rifles. And it is the type of extremism that teaches four young men to carry backpacks filled with explosives onto subway trains and public transit buses and detonate them during rush hour, killing themselves and killing or wounding hundreds of others. It continues to happen today, and will probably continue to happen for the forseeable future.

The only possible solution to this type of extremism may be to refuse to allow the extremists to occupy any position of authority in any religion. Sadly, that is probably impossible.

Please note that I believe that I have taken what I believe are great pains to single out no specific religion and/or faith in this post. Extremism can and has been the downfall of many faiths, and those that remain today continue to be in constant danger from it!

In addition, I welcome any comments and/or criticisms of this analysis. Like I said, I am not an expert in psychology, religion, or politics. This is merely my opinion as a layperson.

You Gotta Be Kidding!

Sometimes I come across something that leads me to doubt the future survival of the human race. In fact, it seems to be happening far too often, lately.

Like this story, for example.

Weighing In, Volume 4

Usually I only post one of my "Weighing In" entries when I've been too lazy to post in a week or more, but I have a lot of ground to cover, so lets get started with:

On London:

Congrats to you Brits for landing the 2012 Olympics. Let's hope we're all still around to see them. But...

On London, Part 2:

From a state of Euphoria to a state of despair in less than 24 hours. That may go on record as the biggest and fastest mood swing in history.

To you, the perpetrators of these attacks, I say this: YOU BASTARDS! YOU DESPICABLE, INHUMAN, BASTARDS!!! MAY YOU ROT IN HELL!!!

(I may have mentioned before that I don't sugarcoat!)

Seriously. These people have a special room in hell waiting for them.

Meanwhile, our worthless president will probably use this incident as an excuse to invade Iran...

On the SCOTUS vacancy:

Jeebus, I never thought I'd see the day when I would be rooting for Alberto "torture memo" Gonzales. Lord knows, the wright wingnuts are sure screaming about him.

I can't help but wonder if the whole thing might be a carefully crafted plot to put an arch-conservative on the Big Bench...

On the Ohio Coin-Fund Scandal (TSTKOG):

Recently, The (Toledo) Blade had an article that stated that Tom Noe used his influence to have access to the Governor and even the White House.

Gee, y'think?! Are they now going to tell us the sky is blue, the ocean is deep, and the sun is hot?

On the Space Shuttle:

On Wednesday, the Shuttle Discovery takes off for a new mission, the first shuttle Mission since the Columbia disaster more than two years ago. As far as I can determine, this mission is to test whether or not they'll be able to fix it if something goes wrong. This seems to me to be a lot like flying a fighter jet into a mountain just to see if the ejector seat works...

Of course, the real problem is that we're dealing with technology that was developed while I was still in elementary school, fer crissake! Maybe they should work on designing something new. Seriously. A lot of the Shuttle's technology was designed by people who are probably retired by now. Maybe it's time to bring in some new blood.

I'm just sayin'!

On Jamie Farr:

Toledo's favorite native son. Every year he comes back here to M.C. the Jamie farr LPGA classic.

But it's more than that. Recently, the father of an acquaintance of mine died. The viewing was last Thursday. And, since Jamie had gone to the same high school as this man, he stopped by to say hello and pay his respects.

The man is a class act.


Well kids, that's all for now.

Sigh.

Yes, folks, here we go again.

By now, unless you've been living in a cave, you've no doubt heard that terrorists set off bombs in the London Mass Transit System. As of this writing, at least 37 people are confirmed dead, and over 700 are injured. No doubt, the death toll will rise before this is all over.

I might point out that this is the exact same M.O. that was used in the Madrid train bombings less than a year-and-a-half ago. I guess if something works for the terrorists, they stick with it.

And I am mad as hell.

And not strictly at the despicable bastards that perpetrated this attack. Don't get me wrong, by the way. I would love to get these monsters in a private room, cut their balls off, lightly fry them, and serve them to them for lunch.

(I may have mentioned before that I don't sugarcoat things!)

No. I am also mad at the entire Bush administration.

Why? Because their last justification for the war in Iraq has disappeared after today's events.

Don't believe me? Let's go down the list, shall we?

Justification One: We invaded Iraq because they had weapons of mass destruction, and planned to use them.

WRONG! There has been no evidence found that such weapons exist, nor has any evidence been found that they ever did.

Justification Two: Iraq was involved with the September 11th attacks.

WRONG! The bi-partisan 9/11 commission found that there was no evidence of any link between the 9/11 terrorists and Iraq and/or Saddam Hussein.

Justification Three: Even if the first two were wrong, Saddam Hussein was an evil dictator who needed to be removed.

WRONG! There are probably dozens, if not HUNDREDS, of dictators all over the world who are just as bad, if not worse, than Saddam Hussein. They, however, do not control the world's second largest oil reserves...

Justification Four: Fighting the terrorists in Iraq means we do not have to fight them at home.

WRONG! Ask the British people how true they think that statement is today!

Give me any other justification for invading Iraq.

Dum-de-dum.

I'm waiting!

You gots nothing, does ya?

By invading Iraq, George W. Bush created a training ground for future terrorists, and created the greatest possible recruiting tool for Al Qaeda and its associated organizations. It was the exact opposite of what should have been done.

Bill Clinton was impeached for getting a blowjob from a subordinate.

What will it take to impeach George W. Bush?

Oh Say Can You See?

Lately, it seems, there has been quite a fuss over flag-burning. The House of Representatives last month approved an amendment making desecration of the flag a crime. And there is more than a good chance it will also pass the Senate, this time.

Of course, since the majority of American flag desecration seems to me to take place outside our borders, this amendment is going to be as effective at stopping flag-burning as a household sponge is at stopping a tsunami.

By the way, my personal philosophy has always been that if someone wants to burn a flag, fine. If, however, they try to burn MY flag, I will tear their arm off and shove it up their ass!

But I digress. I think there is a bigger issue here. Yesterday, on the 229th anniversary of our country’s birth, I happened to look up and down my street, and guess how many flags I saw being displayed?

Four. Including mine. This in a neighborhood of dozens of houses (there are more than twenty on my block alone).

I happen to believe that on The Fourth of July, perhaps more than any other holiday, houses NOT flying the American flag should be the exception, not the rule.

The problem is NOT that people in this country do not respect the flag. No, the problem is that people do not respect the American flag ENOUGH.

The flag is more than just the symbol of our country. It has been carried into battle on too many occasions to list. It flies over cemeteries, many of which came into existence because of those same battles. It flies over government buildings and sports stadiums alike. It is the constant reminder to all who see it that this is the United States of America. But when it comes to peoples’ homes, it is often absent.

And that is the problem. Most Americans rarely encounter the flag on a day-to-day basis. It therefore comes as a shock when they see people desecrating the flag. And they easily fall in step behind anyone who tries to do something to stop such actions from happening.

So fly your flag proudly! If it becomes more a part of our everyday lives, we may begin to pay less attention to those who desecrate it as a protest. And if flag desecration stops being the attention-getter it is today, the problem will take care of itself.

In Honor of July 4th

We hold these truths to be self-evident,
that all men are created equal...
that they are endowed by their Creator
with certain unalienable Rights,
that among these are
Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.


Tomorrow, we celebrate the 229th anniversary of our country's independence.
May we never forget the sacrifice of the millions of our fellow citizens who paid the ultimate price to secure that independence.

Happy 4th of July!

Paul Harvey, You are an Ass!

On his radio broadcast on June 23rd, Paul Harvey said this:

...we proceeded to develop and deliver the bomb, even though roughly 150,000 men, women and children perished in Hiroshima and Nagasaki. With a single blow, World War II was over.

Following New York, Sept. 11, Winston Churchill was not here to remind us that we didn’t come this far because we’re made of sugar candy.

So, following the New York disaster, we mustered our humanity.

We gave old pals a pass, even though men and money from Saudi Arabia were largely responsible for the devastation of New York and Pennsylvania and our Pentagon.

We called Saudi Arabians our partners against terrorism and we sent men with rifles into Afghanistan and Iraq, and we kept our best weapons in our silos.

Even now we’re standing there dying, daring to do nothing decisive, because we’ve declared ourselves to be better than our terrorist enemies -- more moral, more civilized.

Our image is at stake, we insist.

But we didn’t come this far because we’re made of sugar candy.

Once upon a time, we elbowed our way onto and into this continent by giving small pox infected blankets to native Americans.

Yes, that was biological warfare!

And we used every other weapon we could get our hands on to grab this land from whomever. And we grew prosperous.

And, yes, we greased the skids with the sweat of slaves.

And so it goes with most nation states, which, feeling guilty about their savage pasts, eventually civilize themselves out of business and wind up invaded, and ultimately dominated by the lean, hungry and up and coming who are not made of sugar candy.

So. Apparently Paul Harvey thinks that it was O.K. for us to use biological warfare on the Indians, and that it's O.K. for us to use nukes on anyone and everyone, and that slavery is good, because we've done it before.

This, in my opinion, falls under the "Kill 'em all, and let God sort 'em out" philosophy. And there are too many things wrong with that to list.

I used to listen to Paul Harvey every day. And I am ashamed of that!

What happened to you, Paul? Once upon a time, you were the voice of reason. Now you're just another reactionary right-wing asshole.

And I hate you for that.

DRAFT PRADO!

I have been to this website, draftprado.org, and after visiting this and many others, I have concluded that he would be the best candidate to replace Justice O'Connor.

It is up to us in the blogosphere to make sure that a moderate like Justice Prado is appointed to the Big Bench.

To that end, I have added my blog to the draftprado.org bloglist, and hope to soon add a link to that site on my linkcolumn.

Bear with me, as a newbie like myself often has trouble with such things!

Let's make sure fairness and justice NEVER becomes just a memory in this country!

So Long, Sandra

And say Sayonara to the rest of the country, too.

With Justice Sandra Day O'Connor announcing her retirement today, a crucial voice for moderation on the SCOTUS has fallen silent.

No doubt Karl Rove is already rubbing his hands together with glee at the prospect of choosing a Scalia or Thomas clone to replace her.

And if Rehnquist also decides to call it a day, Rove may have an orgasm so violent you'll be able to hear the scream in California.

And, with a solid conservative majority on the Supreme court, you can say goodbye to worker's rights, consumer protections, and a woman's right to choose, just to name a few things.

Basically, with one, or even two, addition Scalia or Thomas-style judges on the Supreme Court, we could see all the progress we have made in this country over the last 70 years completely wiped off the map.

Here's a handy list of all the critical rights and protections that could be at stake with one or two more archconservatives on the Supreme Bench.

I would urge the three people reading this article to immediately visit People for the American Way, The Center for American Progress, or any one of dozens of other progressive sites to find out what they can do to help keep these rights intact. I plan to as soon as I finish writing this. Right now, in fact!

Busy...Busy...Busy

Too busy to rant right now. Lots of things to do. You can amuse yourself with this game in the meantime

The Craziness of Product Placement

Has anyone noticed how out of control product placement has gotten? I sure hope so.

While I'm definitely not the first to mention this phenomenom, nor, I am certain, will I be the last, I am starting to realize just how less and less subtle it is getting to be.

Indeed, the good folks at howstuffworks.com have provided this handy little primer on exactly how product placement works.

Let me give you an example. Take the movie Paycheck, which I just watched recently.

An aside: I have a BIG problem with this movie, which is this: If I had just spent the past three years slipping the sausage to Uma Thurman, there is no way in hell I would ever want those memories erased!

But I digress. We were talking about blatant product placement. The most obvious example comes about a half an hour into the movie. One of the chief bad guys is sitting at an outdoor cafe eating a piece of cherry pie. He holds up his wrist, looks at his watch, and we are treated to a three or four second close-up of a super-magnified Kenneth Cole watch--a really fancy one, too, with three separate dials and all the associated bells and whistles.

Now, mind you, this shot is totally unnecessary. All they had to show was the guy glancing quickly at his watch (it takes me about a half second to check the time on my watch--how long does it take you?) and then say the line that comes next. I have no idea how long it takes to edit a shot like that into a movie, but I'm sure it takes at least a couple of hours to set it up, shoot it, then splice it into the film. And if I know one thing about moviemaking, it's that time is money! I betcha, though, that the good folks that make K.C. watches compensated the filmmakers handsomely for this little piece of film footage.

Of course, there are several other examples of P.P. (a most appropriate anagram, if you ask me!) in the same movie--during a fight scene, Ben Affleck gets thrown up against a cooler full of Pepsi; he arrives at his lawyer's office in a Honda Element taxi (In my opinion, the ugliest vehical currently in existence), etc.

By far, however, the most ridiculous example of product placement in a movie that I've ever seen had to be in the movie A Knight's Tale. I know, I know. You're asking "How in hell could they have product placement in a movie set in the 14th century?"

Well, Poindexter, I'll tell you! In one scene about midway through the movie, the female blacksmith travelling with the hero reveals a new set of armor she has made for him. And she proudly displays her own "special mark" that she stamped right on the breastplate: A Nike-style "Swoosh" (Or, as the irrepressible Jim Hightower calls it, a "Swooshtika")

Don't believe me? Just go to google and search the words "nike swoosh knight's tale". You'll find A LOT of entries!

If that doesn't convince you just how ridiculous it's getting, nothing will!

By the way, I never watch the credits of movies, but I'll just bet that somewhere near the end of the credits of A.K.T., in the "The producers wish to thank..." section, you'd probably see "Nike Corporation" or some such listed in that section. (If anybody's seen that, let me know with a comment.)

Product placement also occurs on just about every T.V. show. Witness the "commercial-free" presentation of Fox's 24 season premiere two seasons ago. Just count how many times the Ford blue oval prominently appears on screen, usually on the front grill of an F-150 pickup...

I realize that in today's age of VCR's, DVD's, DVR's, TiVo, and other commercial-killing devices, it is getting harder and harder for companies to get their products to be seen by consumers, but Jeebus! Do they have to be so obvious about it?

And movies and television shows aren't the only ones guilty of P.P.--the good folks at Arnoldwatch.org recently took Arnold Schwarzenegger to task for allowing blatant placement of products manufactured by some of his big contributors (Pepsi, Nestle, etc.) in his political ads.

(This, by the way, is the same Arnold who told Californians he was too rich to ever be beholden to the special interests. I guess he figured out what an expensive game politics can be pretty quickly.)

Of course, we have always known that politicians were whores for the big money interests, but few are so blatantly obvious about it...

Nor are our kids immune. Public schools, which often are strapped for cash due to low tax revenues and decreased federal funding (No Child Left Behind, my ass!), frequently enter into contracts with soft drink and junk food companies to provide vending machines with their products. This, of course, can lead to a host of health problems in children, such as diabetes and obesity. And, of course, this is just one example of the corporatization of our schools.

The most insidious thing about this form of advertising is just how subtle it all is. We're all affected by it, even if we're not aware of it on the conscious level. I'm not saying I'm going to go and buy a Kenneth Cole watch (I'm happy with my $10 Casio--it tells time, which is all I need) after seeing Paycheck, but I can't begin to count the number of times I've seen a character in a movie or TV show swig a bottle of Evian water and thought about how thirsty I was. Then again, maybe that's just 'cause it's some gorgeous woman drinking from the bottle.

Of course, think about what "Evian" spelled backwards is...

Look, I know I'm not the first person to lament about this situation, nor will I or should I be the last. But I wanted to add Voice in the Crowd to the growing chorus of voices calling for some P.P. restraint.

Here's a couple more organizations:
www.commercialalert.org
www.indybay.org

These are just some I found using a quick google search. I'm sure there are many more, and I encourage anyone who finds a good one to post a comment.

Meantime, keep an eye open for just how much P.P. you see in everyday media. I'll bet you'll be surprised!

Rating the Speech

Today, I would like to offer an objective, dispassionate evaluation of the speech given by George W. Bush last night.

Oh, who the hell do I think I'm kidding?! I'm going to beat Idiot Boy like a red-headed stepchild!

Let's get started, shall we?

In the third paragraph:

The troops here and across the world are fighting a global war on terror. The war reached our shores on September 11, 2001. The terrorists who attacked us and the terrorists we face murder in the name of a totalitarian ideology that hates freedom, rejects tolerance and despises all dissent. Their aim is to remake the Middle East in their own grim image of tyranny and oppression by toppling governments, driving us out of the region and by exporting terror.

So. The first reference to September 11th comes in the first minute of the speech. Want more? Read on!

After September 11, I made a commitment to the American people: This nation will not wait to be attacked again. We will defend our freedom. We will take the fight to the enemy.

Another reference to September 11th, in the very next paragraph!

But it gets better:

Many terrorists who kill innocent men, women and children on the streets of Baghdad are followers of the same murderous ideology that took the lives of our citizens in New York, in Washington and Pennsylvania.

Again, in the next paragraph, yet another reference to September 11th!

A few paragraphs later:

The lesson of this experience is clear: The terrorists can kill the innocent but they cannot stop the advance of freedom. The only way our enemies can succeed is if we forget the lessons of September 11, if we abandon the Iraqi people to men like Zarqawi and if we yield the future of the Middle East to men like bin Laden.

For those keeping score at home, that's four references to September 11th so far.

But there's more:

We are fighting against men with blind hatred and armed with lethal weapons who are capable of any atrocity. They wear no uniform; they respect no laws of warfare or morality. They take innocent lives to create chaos for the cameras. They are trying to shake our will in Iraq just as they tried to shake our will on September 11, 2001.

That's five.

And, in the last paragraph:

After September 11, 2001, I told the American people that the road ahead would be difficult and that we would prevail

Yes, folks, that's six references to September 11th in one half-hour-long speech. And every single one is designed to hammer home the same message: Iraq was responsible for September 11th. The problem, of course, is that it's just not true!

Frankly, this whole speech disgusts me (and yes, I did read the whole thing!) Especially this part:

In this time of testing, our troops can know: The American people are behind you. Next week, our nation has an opportunity to make sure that support is felt by every soldier, sailor, airman, Coast Guardsman and Marine at every outpost across the world. This Fourth of July, I ask you to find a way to thank the men and women defending our freedom by flying the flag, sending letters to our troops in the field or helping the military family down the street

Translation: It's up to you to help our troops, 'cause we're not gonna lift a finger!

In short, the whole speech was composed of dishonest references to September 11th, rosy views of the horrible situation in Iraq, and shameless appeals to American patriotism.

I suppose I should take some comfort from the unscientific AOL poll that rates the President's speech as follows: Poor 51% Excellent 28% Fair 11% Good 10%.

At least the majority of AOL subscribers don't seem to have their head up their ass!

In case you have any doubts as to the accuracy of the speech quotes above, here's a full transcript.

Are You Kidding Me?!

Seriously. Are you fucking kidding me?!

Guess who was named as AOL and the Discovery Channel's "Greatest American"?

Yes folks, it's RONALD FUCKING REAGAN!!!

Further proof that this country suffers from terminal Head-Up-Ass disease!

I mean, COME ON! Do you people seriously think that Ronald Reagan was a greater American than the likes of Abraham Lincoln (#2), Martin Luther King, Jr. (#3,) George Washington (#4), or Ben Franklin (#5)?

Because I sure as hell don't.

Let's look at their records, shall we?

Abraham Lincoln: President of the United States during the four bloodiest years in our country's history. Freed the Slaves. Managed to hold together a country that was trying its best to literally tear itself apart. Gave one of the greatest speeches in history.

Martin Luther King: Led a decades-long struggle to overturn unfair and unconstitutional segregation laws in numerous southern states. Endured police beatings, fire hoses, and dogs in his struggle for equal rights for all Americans, regardless of race.

George Washington: The father of our country. Managed to hold together a ragtag army long enough to outlast, outmaneuver, and, in the end, outfight the most powerful military force in the world in his day and age. Could have easily been named King, but chose instead merely to serve as the first President, and, so far, the only one elected unanimously.

Benjamin Franklin: Author, statesman, diplomat, inventor. Served as ambassador to France. Invented many things, some of which are still used today. Signed the Declaration of Independence. First United States Postmaster General. Founded the nation's first public zoo.

And Ronald Reagan?

Ran up huge budget deficits through massive military spending. Slashed funding for programs designed to help children, the poor, and the elderly. Propped up governments of several Central American countries that killed thousands of their own citizens.

I realize that Reagan had his good points. But he was DEFINITELY NOT a greater American that Lincoln, Washington, King, or even Franklin.

Ronald Reagan was NOT God, people! Stop worshipping him like he was!

The Boob is Back! (And the Statue is Uncovered Too!)

In case you missed it, the infamous "Spirit of Justice" statue in the Justice Department that was covered with an $8,000 drape by former Attorney General John Asscro--Um, I mean, Ashcroft, has now been uncovered.

Yes, Alberto "Torture Memo" Gonzales, the new Attorney General, ordered the drapes removed on Friday. So now photographers can once again capture photos of a boob standing in front of a boob.

I can't help but wonder why. Maybe it's because with all the photos of naked prisoners being tortured circulating around, Gonzales thought: Why not add some more...

Nah, that couldn't be it!

O.K. I know. This post is lame! Ya know what, it's too hot to be creative today.

Nobody Thinks Anymore

Oh, Karl. Karl, Karl, Karl. You idiot. You Blowhard. You fat, fatuous, flatulent fool.

You are a disgrace to your party.

You are a disgrace to the White House.

You are a disgrace to the country.

Seriously. What were you thinking when you said, and I quote:

"Conservatives saw the savagery of 9/11 and the attacks and prepared for war. Liberals saw the savagery of 9/11 and wanted to prepare indictments and offer therapy and understanding to our attackers."

I mean, come ON! What were you thinking? Or were you thinking at all? I mean, do you seriously think anyone in this country wanted to get the 9/11 terrorists on a therapist's couch and discuss their inner child?

Frankly, I think that may be the problem. Nobody in the current administration thinks. Period.

Dick Cheney says the Iraq insurgency is "in its last throes", when, in fact, it's just as bad, if not worse, as it ever was.

Donald Rumsfeld goes in front of the Senate and states that the war in Iraq succeeded brilliantly, and that setting a timetable for withdrawal from Iraq "would throw a lifeline to terrorists who in recent months have suffered significant losses in casualties, been denied havens and suffered weakened popular support."

Let's pause momentarily to put that statement in perspective for a minute. Would you refuse to pull firemen out of a fire-engulfed building that is in imminent danger of collapsing? And would you justify that refusal by saying that to do so "would throw a lifeline to the fire"? And would you then say that anyone who critcizes your actions "doesn't support our firemen"?

Yes, folks. That seems to be the problem. No one is thinking in Washington. Or anywhere.

There's an old saying: "Make sure you load your brain before you shoot off your mouth."

O.K. maybe it's not an old saying. But it should be.

The problem is, too many people in this day and age speak without thinking. I certainly do, all too often. But it's usually not a problem for me, because hardly anyone listens.

But when you speak without thinking when someone is listening, trouble can result.

Of course, I'm sure Karl Rove knew exactly what the reaction would be to his ill-conceived remarks. The left would denounce it as shameless political pandering (which it is), and the wrongright would champion it as a shining example of quality public speaking (which it isn't).

And, of course, it represents the traditional defense thrown up whenever the Bush White House comes under attack: Invoke 9/11.

Memo to the White House: It happened almost four years ago. It's time to come up with something new!

Damn!

Well, you no doubt have heard by now that the Pistons lost last night. No repeat for them.

But I give them credit for hanging on 'til the end. They proved that last year's championship was no fluke. Even though they didn't win, they fought hard in every game and were in it all the way. And they once again were able to prove that Shaq is human--despite all evidence to the contrary.

(Seriously. That guy is a freak of nature. His hand is bigger than my head!)

There is no dishonor in losing a 7-game series 4-3. It means that you were good enough to be there. It just means that the other team was better than you one night more than you were better than them.

And to the Detroit players, I say this: Hold your heads up high, fellows. You did your best. And there's always next year!

Dick Durbin: My Hero--NOT!

Shame on you, Senator Richard Durbin!

Why do I say this? Two words: You. Caved.

You may remember how, a few days ago, Senator Durbin read the report of an FBI agent on the Senate floor that detailed the mistreatment of some of the detainees being held in the prison at Guantanamo Bay. He then stated that if he hadn't told his colleagues that he was reading the report of an American F.B.I. agent detailing activities at an American prison, they might have thought he was describing actions inside a Nazi concentration camp or a Soviet Gulag.

Of course, the wrongright-wing attack machine immediately jumped all over him, calling him everything from a lunatic to a terrorist sympathizer.

This, of course, is typical of the wright. Make the person who said something the issue, rather than focusing on what they actually said.

Durbin was, of course, completely correct in his assessment. The torture techniques he described do remind me of something I might expect to hear when listening to the story of Auschwitz. Seriously. Chaining people to the floor, in extreme heat or cold, and leaving them there for hours on end, until they are forced to piss or shit on themselves (I don't sugarcoat things, people!), is not the kind of treatment you expect would happen in an American prison.

But, of course, that's not the issue, according to the wright. They instead chose to make Durbin the issue, instead of what he actually said. They have held him up as the worst traitor to our country since Benedict Arnold.

And on Tuesday, he caved in to the pressure. He issued a formal apology on the Senate floor, saying he was wrong in what he said. And the wright-wing attack machine has been trumpeting their "victory" ever since.

To you, Mr. Durbin, I say this: You COWARD! You allowed the brickbats thrown at you by the loonies of the wright to break you!

You were a hero to me for standing up and saying what needed to be said. You shouldn't have to apologize for calling a pile of shit a pile of shit. The mistreatment of prisoners in American prisons is the antithesis of everything this country stands for, and someone needs to remind Americans of this fact.

You're not a hero anymore, Mr. Durbin. You're just another cowardly politician.

And I hate you for that.

It's AWESOME!!!

Just got back from seeing Batman Begins. I have just three words:

HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT.

This movie is INCREDIBLE!!!

To you, the three people reading this blog, I say this: Go. See. This. Movie.

Even if you're not a big fan of Batman, you will still enjoy yourself.

More details? O.K.

The acting is excellent--There may be a golden statue or two in store for some of these people come April of next year. And if there isn't, then that just goes to show how out of touch with reality the Academy is. Want an example? O.K. I won't give away too much, but at one point in the movie, when a bad guy realizes he is doomed, he doesn't run, he doesn't scream, he simply closes his eyes.

You'll know what scene I'm talking about when you see it. It's not something you can easily describe in words. You have to see it.

The cinematography is spectacular. The movie is, of course, very dark. But that doesn't matter. You don't miss a single detail, like you do in some other dark movies. It's truly a masterpiece of camera work.

But, most importantly, the story is believable. You can believe this story could actually happen in this modern world. This may be the one thing that sets Batman apart from the other superheroes--you realize that Bruce Wayne is, under that costume, just an ordinary man. He has no superpowers. He gets hurt like everyone else. And his enemies are also human, motivated by the same factors that motivate all bad people--greed, power, and lust.

Hell, this movie will even make the comic book fans happy--and they can do bad things to a movie they don't like. Just look what happened to Catwoman!

And, no, I still can't hate that movie. I just can't hate any movie with Halle Berry in it (That's why I've never seen B.A.P.S.--I don't want to break that trend!)

Ugh!

Somebody get me some aspirin, some visine, and some laundry detergent--not necessarily in that order.

Last night, as part a Father's Day present to my dad, I went with him, my sister, and my brother-in-law, to Mickey Finn's Pub here in T-town. It was a special night of entertainment featuring The Clumsy Lovers and J.T. and the Clouds (sorry, couldn't find their website!)

I think I'm in love with Andrea Lewis, The Clumsy Lover's violin player, by the way. And that picture just doesn't do her justice. She makes me wish I hadn't stopped playing the violin years ago!

At any rate, I drank too much, stayed out until two in the morning, and ended up being saturated by cigarette smoke. I swear it's still coming out of my pores.

An Aside: Toledo has strict regulations that require separation of smoking and non-smoking sections of all bars and restaurants. Yeah, right. Having a smoking section in a bar is like having a peeing section in a pool. And let's just say that those regulations aren't enforced all that heavily...

All-in-all, though, it was a fun night. My dad enjoyed himself, which was the whole point of the excercise in the first place. And I was able to resist the temptation to get up and dance like an idiot. I wish I could say the same for just about everyone else in the bar...including my dad (sigh.)

It's true. White people can't dance!

Beating a Dead Horse

Today, I take the rare step of posting twice in the same day. Ordinarily, I'm lucky if I can make it to posting once a week, but when I saw the news today, I had to make the extra effort.

Because, y'see, it seems that our good buddy Jeb Bush, Governor of Florida, has taken it upon himself to ask a Florida prosecutor to investigate the cause of Terri Schiavo's collapse 15 years, ago, the collapse that caused her brain to be deprived of oxygen long enough to kill it.

All I can say is this:

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for letting me vent. I had to get that out of my system.

Anyway, what this all boils down to is this: Jeb Bush, who has realized that the autopsy reports released two days ago made him look silly for supporting Terri's parents' cause for so long, has decided to grasp at any straw he can find in order to save some face. Of course, it also means that he is trying to shore up the support of his party's base for a presidential run in '08.

I hope this whole foolish idea blows up in his face.

Also, Senator Bill Frist continues to claim that he never said he didn't believe Terri Schiavo was in a persistent vegetative state. But he did! Just check the update to my post from yesterday and you'll see that he's lying!

Or, alternatively, you can just go here.

I hope Bill Frist does decide to run for president. We can use this to beat him over the head with at every possible opportunity!

Dick Durbin: My Hero

In case you haven't heard the news, Senator Dick Durbin is a lunatic and a traitor to America.

At least, that's the spin the wright is trying to put on it.

By the way, that's not a typo--"wright" stands for the wrong right. Somehow simply calling these nuts "the right" gives them a subtle form of validation. If they're "the right", then they must be right, right?

But I digress.

Here's a few samples of what they've been saying about Dick Durbin:

"I think the senator's remarks are reprehensible. It's a real disservice to our men and women in uniform who adhere to high standards and uphold our values and our laws."
--White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan

(typical response from the white house: "You don't support our troops!")

"You don't have to tell me because we all know. We all know how frustrating it is, and you don't have to tell us. But I'm not trying to persuade Durbin. In fact, I hope he doesn't apologize. He's speaking for the Democrats. He's telling us who the Democrats are, folks. It's one thing for me to sit here and tell you who I think they are, even though I'm right. When you hear it from somebody like Durbin (sigh) what more needs to be said? This is who they are. They have contempt for victory, contempt for the US military, contempt for our superpower status and contempt for the soldiers. We're not supposed to be winning this thing! If we were getting shellacked, they'd be happy."

--Rush Limbaugh

(Again, typical. He said more, but that's about all I could stand to read!)

After his most recent display of malignant partisanship and disregard for our country’s security, people in the rest of the country are no doubt wondering...whether Illinois Senator Dick Durbin has lost his mind.
--TheAmericanThinker.com

(a misnomer if I ever heard one--I refuse to insert a link to them here!)

Anyhoo, here's what he actually said:

When you read some of the graphic descriptions of what has occurred here [at Guantanamo Bay]--I almost hesitate to put them in the [Congressional] Record, and yet they have to be added to this debate. Let me read to you what one FBI agent saw. And I quote from his report:

On a couple of occasions, I entered interview rooms to find a detainee chained hand and foot in a fetal position to the floor, with no chair, food or water. Most times they urinated or defecated on themselves, and had been left there for 18-24 hours or more. On one occasion, the air conditioning had been turned down so far and the temperature was so cold in the room, that the barefooted detainee was shaking with cold. . . . On another occasion, the [air conditioner] had been turned off, making the temperature in the unventilated room well over 100 degrees. The detainee was almost unconscious on the floor, with a pile of hair next to him. He had apparently been literally pulling his hair out throughout the night. On another occasion, not only was the temperature unbearably hot, but extremely loud rap music was being played in the room, and had been since the day before, with the detainee chained hand and foot in the fetal position on the tile floor.

If I read this to you and did not tell you that it was an FBI agent describing what Americans had done to prisoners in their control, you would most certainly believe this must have been done by Nazis, Soviets in their gulags, or some mad regime--Pol Pot or others--that had no concern for human beings. Sadly, that is not the case. This was the action of Americans in the treatment of their prisoners.

Of course, what you need to realize is that he is describing the type of treatment that was sanctioned by the White House. Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez, while still White House counsel, produced memos detailing all the reasons why Geneva Convention protections did not apply to prisoners captured during the so-called "war on terror". So I guess that makes it acceptable to treat prisoners like animals.

Of course, by focusing attention on Durbin instead of on the issue, the White House conveniently manages to once again sidestep the issue of inhumane treatment of detainees at Gitmo and other places. They are, of course, assisted by the wright-wing media machine, as usual.

Don't get me wrong. I'm sure most of the detainees at Guantanamo Bay and elsewhere deserve to be there. But subjecting someone to conditions you wouldn't put a dog in is the antithesis of everything this country stands for. And I congragulate Dick Durbin for having the guts to point that out!

Terri Schiavo: An Epilogue

The results of Terri Schiavo's autopsy were released yesterday. Here are the relevant facts, as near as I can determine them, and what they mean:

Fact #1: At the time of her death, her brain was atrophied to half the size of a normal adult human brain. This means that, according to the coroner who examined her, there was absolutely no chance that she would have ever recovered in even the slightest degree

What this means: If she had remained on her feeding tube, she would have lingered on in her vegetative state, possibly for months, years, or even decades, while her body gradually fell more and more into a state of decay, until she eventually died from some form of infection or other natural cause. And no form of therapy administered would have changed this outcome.

Fact #2: At the time of her death, the severe deterioration of her brain meant that she was completely blind.

What this means: Those dramatic video shots of her seemingly following a balloon or a family member back and forth across a room were simply automatic movements, and were not in response to any visual stimuli since she could not see!

Fact #3: The autopsy could detect no signs of past physical abuse.

What this means: Contrary to what her parents claimed, her husband did not cause her condition through abuse.


What this all boils down to is this: Terri Schiavo died 15 years ago. It just took 15 years for everyone to realize that.

Interesting footnote to this story: Senate majority leader Bill Frist said in an interview on TV this morning that the autopsy brings "a very sad chapter to a close.

"I raised the question, 'Is she in a persistent vegetative state or not?' I never made the diagnosis, never said that she was not. I did say that certain tests should be performed to determine that before starving her to death."

Translation: He was clinging to the hope the autopsy results would show that he acted properly when he and his "right-to-life" buddies in congress intervened in a private legal matter, and now that that hope has been dashed, he is pretending the whole issue never happened.

Sometimes I wish hypocrisy was fatal!


UPDATE (11:45 a.m.): Here's a link to an MSNBC story which details how Bill Frist repeatedly disputed the diagnosis that Schiavo was in a persistent vegetative state. And I quote:

"I question it based on a review of the video footage which I spent an hour or so looking at last night in my office. She certainly seems to respond to visual stimuli."
Senator Bill Frist, March 19th, 2005

Thanks to Daily Kos for pointing me towards this story

The Hits Just Keep On Coming

OK. So the latest item in the Ohio coin-fund scandal, or, as I call it, The Scandal That Keeps On Giving (TSTKOG), is that the home of a former Tom Noe employee was burglarized over the weekend.

Now ordinarily this would be no big deal, but if you've been following TSTKOG at all, you may know that this was the same home where, two weeks ago, Sheriff investigators seized thousands of bottles of wine, cigars, coins, and other items, allegedly paid for with money siphoned from the Ohio BWC coin investment fund.

The guy, Michael Storeim, said he was out of town for 2 days. They came back and found their house burglarized.

I swear to Christ you can't make this stuff up!

Personally, I think this whole thing stinks like a five-day-old roadkill. I mean, COME ON! The guy gets caught with pretty damning evidence of wrongdoing in his own home, and then, less than two weeks later, that evidence disappears!

Of course, it was stupid of the Sheriff's office to leave the wine locked up in the guy's house (check the story), but maybe that was all part of the plan as well...

Also stolen were several keys from Storeim's house, including one to his business. I wonder how fast he will change the locks...

Of course, Storeim claims the break-in was the result of all the media attention he has received. Typical. It would seem that the whole "blame the media" defense has been used by everyone from Michael Jackson to Saddam Hussein.

Think about it. Do you honestly believe this burglary was a coincidence?

If you do, I have some beautiful oceanfront property you might be interested in. Just meet me in Missoula, Montana, and I'll show it to you...

And the Verdict Is: Who Cares?!

So. Not guilty on all ten counts.

I don't even have to tell you what I'm talking about, do I?

It's destined to become another one of those "where were you when..." questions, which, sadly in most cases, have become all to numerous in this day and age.

"Where were you on September 11th?"
"Where were you when the Columbia crashed?"

And so on.

Personally, I don't care about whether some 46-year-old freak of nature molested a young boy. I think that if anyone dumb enough to place their kid in his care, given his reputation, deserves what they get. If I had kids, they wouldn't be allowed within 100 miles of that freakazoid!

Meanwhile, maybe the media can get back to covering more important issues, like the Downing Street Memo perhaps, or the Ohio Coin-Fund Scandal, possibly.

Not likely. We're more likely to hear about the latest accident involving the paparazzi and Lindsay Lohan, or that the "runaway bride" now has her own book deal...

Why Can't I Hate This Movie?!

There is no point in denying it: I am unable to hate Catwoman!

And I can't explain it! It's driving me nuts!

The acting is terrible, the dialogue is lame, the CGI effects are mediocre at best, and the plot is just plain silly.

This movie ended up on the "worst" list of just about every critic in the country. It was blasted by comic book fans for departing from the "Batman" character. It virtually swept the "Golden Raspberry" awards, including worst actress and worst picture.

Added to all this is the fact that I hate all cats (long story).

So why can't I hate this movie?!

Could it possibly be Halle Berry wearing a costume that looks a lot like it was designed by a stripper with Parkinson's disease?

Nah. That couldn't be it.

Oh who am I kidding?!

Weighing in on Various Issues, Volume 3

So many issues, so little time! Where to begin? Ah:

ON THE MISSING GIRL IN ARUBA:

Fer crissake, yes, it’s a news story? But do you have to splash it all over the place. It’s a story that has come to rival the "runaway bride" story in scope. And it’s serving as yet another way for the “liberal media” to distract our attention away from more important things, like GM dropping 25,000 jobs, or American soldiers being killed at the rate of 2 per day in Iraq and Afghanistan, or the so-called “Downing Street Memo”.

This case is, and should be, important to her family and friends, the authorities in Aruba, and the people of Aruba. It should not captivate the entire country the way the media has made sure it would.

It's just another example of how the need to fill 24 hours every day with content can cause today's news organizations to make Everest-sized Mountains out of the tiniest of molehills.

ON THE OHIO COIN-FUND SCANDAL:

Or, as I call it, the scandal that keeps on giving. Scarcely a day goes by that The Blade doesn’t have some new revelation to splash all over the front page. The latest story is about how the company that lost $215 million dollars in Ohio BWC money is headquartered in Bermuda, and that the state will have a very hard time getting that money back, if they can get it back at all.

I swear you can’t make stuff like this up. Every day, it seems, the State is reminded of the dangers of one party controlling everything for so long. And I am enjoying every minute of it.

Seriously. The corruption of the Ohio Republican Party is staggering. If the voters in this state return a single Republican to office next year, then they deserve to lose all their money.

ON THE PISTONS:

Congrats, boys, on making it back to the finals. And for once again proving that Shaq is human after all (all evidence to the contrary). Now, if you can just figure out a way to beat the Spurs…

Good luck tonight!

ON THE MUD HENS

Every time I go to a game at Fifth/Third field, I am reminded of how lucky Toledo is to have such a great little gem at the heart of its downtown. Last Friday, I saw possibly the greatest game I’ve ever seen there—with two outs in the bottom of the ninth, the Downtown Destroyers managed to rally to tie the game, and then win it in the tenth.

ON THE PRICE OF GAS:

Yesterday, I was lucky enough to find gas for $1.97 a gallon.

Take a minute to read that sentence again. Did you ever think there would be a time when you would be grateful to find gas for $1.97 a gallon?!

It’s time for this country to get rid of its addiction to fossil fuels. Seriously. It took less than a decade to put a man on the moon using technology most of which can now be found only in a museum. Surely, with today’s modern technology, we can put together a project that can make this country energy independent less than half that time.

Yeah. Like that’s gonna happen!

Sometimes I wonder why I bother talking. It doesn’t seem like anyone’s listening!

Oh, well. I'll continue to be a Voice in the Crowd.

(P.S. Now that I've figured it out, this inserting-links-in-my-blog thing is fun!)

Vote for the Greatest American

Well, folks, the voting has started! The top 25 nominees for AOL and Discovery Channel's "Greatest American" contest have been selected.

Sadly, included among them are George "DUIbya" (tm) Bush, Ronald "Raygun" Reagan, and Bill "Give me all your money" Gates.

We CANNOT allow any of these people to win!!!

Fortunately, there are more acceptable choices, such as:

1) Abraham Lincoln
2) Franklin D. Roosevelt
3) Martin Luther King, Jr.
4) Thomas Jefferson
5) George Washington
6) Thomas A. Edison
7) Ben Franklin

There are others, but those 7 represent MY top choices, in order.

So I say this to the three people reading this blog: It is very important that we DO NOT ALLOW GEORGE W. BUSH TO BE NAMED THE GREATEST AMERICAN!!!

Go here to cast your votes. You can vote up to three times per week. Feel free to choose any one of the above mentioned names, or choose one of your own, but, please, for the love of everything that's good and holy, DO NOT choose George DUIbya (tm) Bush!!!

And if there's any doubt about what a miserable failure of a president Bush has been, here's a handy reference guide.

And make sure to tell your friends about this!

"Deep Throat" Revealed, Part 2

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"Deep Throat" Revealed

No, it's not about the movie! Get your mind out of the gutter, you perv!

I'm referring to the fact that the identity of the infamous "Deep Throat" from the Watergate scandal is finally known (probably).

Reaction is mixed, of course. The right wingnuts are vilifying him, calling him a traitor or worse. The lefties are praising him as a courageous hero.

And a substantial portion of Americans--at least, according to an informal poll taken in my office--don't seem to give a shit one way or the other.

I suppose this is understandable on some level. Many of the people in my office either weren't even born when this thing broke, or were too young to care about it. I include myself in that latter category--All I remember about it is wondering why everyone was making such a big fuss over a water gate!

I can't help but feel somewhat sad over the general apathy over this rather significant revelation. I mean, this guy was the chief informant in a scandal that eventually led to the resignation of a sitting President--something that had never happened before, nor has it happened since (despite my most fervent wishes in a few cases!)

Watergate is an important part of our history. It illustrated the importance of openness in a Democracy, and the power of a free press. It also graphically illustrated the dangers of placing too much power in too few hands, a lesson we should all re-examine in the light of today's political climate.

I salute you, Mr. Felt. What you did was brave and dangerous, but it needed to be done. Now, if we could only find someone like you to dig up the dirt on the Bushies...

Lest We Forget...

Never Forget! 

Weighing in on Varous Issues, Part 2

Look, people. Why are you complaining about the fact that I’m practically down to posting about once a week. How many times to I have to tell you that I’m a lazy sonofabitch?!

Where to begin? Ah!

THE OHIO COIN FUND SCANDAL

It’s the scandal that keeps on giving. Every day, it seems, some new tidbit of information comes up about it. And my local paper, The Blade, is right there to report it. They are quite happy to repeatedly trumpet the fact that they were the first to break the story, and now they are glorying in the limelight. Good job, guys!

(For more details on this scandal visit www.toledoblade.com.)


Personally, I don’t even bother to say anything about it—I don’t have to. If there was ever an instance where Schaadenfreude was called for, this is it (look it up!)

This whole scandal is an object lesson in what can happen when one party controls everything for too long. I just hope the rest of the country is able to learn this lesson in time for the 2006 elections!

THE “GREAT COMPROMISE”

Or, as I call it, the great sell-out. Seriously. If Priscilla Owens does not qualify as one of the “extraordinary circumstances” where a filibuster is called for, then who the hell does?!

The irrepressible Molly Ivins calls her “the biggest, baddest, worstest judicial activist Texas ever produced.” (1) When Molly Ivins says that about someone, you KNOW she’s bad. After all, this is a woman who has dealt with Texas politicians for decades.

Memo to you democrats that approved this deal: You sold us out! We were counting on you to keep your power, not give it away in the interests of keeping the Senate working. Have you forgotten that the Republicans got away with shutting down the government back in the ‘90’s? It didn’t hurt them one bit! Quite the opposite, in fact!

ON THE STEM CELL BILL
Every time I hear some right-wing blowhard talk about “the culture of life” it makes me want to vomit. For the love of Christ, these are embryos that are SCHEDULED FOR DESTRUCTION ANYWAY. Most, if not all, of them are going to be flushed down the drain eventually. Why not do some good with them?!

And huge raspberries (yes, there’s a “p” in it!) to our “president” for his shameless photo op with kids who used to be frozen embryos who were implanted in infertile couples. This bill does NOT preclude the use of unused embryos for this. It simply allows for the possibility that embryos that will be otherwise destroyed will be used for a noble purpose.

And it shouldn’t surprise anyone that several Republicans are voting for this bill. They can safely vote for it, knowing that a second-term president will veto it, and then they can go to their people and say they voted for it but they couldn’t override the presidential veto. It’s win-win for them!

Meanwhile, of course, other countries are making huge leaps in stem-cell research. We are getting left behind in this vitally important scientific field, and I can’t help but feel we’re going to pay a huge price for that in the not-too-distant future.

ON DANICA PATRICK

It seems that every story leading up to this year’s Indy 500 mentioned her name in some capacity. As of this writing, she finished fourth, the best finish by a female driver at Indy. Personally, I think it’s about time that a woman actually had a chance of winning it all at Indy. Now if they could just break into NASCAR…

You go girl!

(Of course, I still didn’t watch the race. I never do! I think racing is silly!)

ON MEMORIAL DAY

All gave some. Some gave all. (Sometimes clichés work!)

Want to help our soldiers today? Go here and make a donation to the U.S.O. I did. And I will continue to do so. If there ever was a worthy cause in this day and age, this is it!


NOTES:

(1) Quote from Molly Ivins’s column in THE BLADE, Sunday, May 29, 2005

Weighing in on Various Subjects

Yeah, I know. I haven’t posted in a while. Have you people forgotten how many times I’ve told you I’m lazy?!

To business:

On George Galloway: This man is my new hero. He basically went up in front of Norm Coleman’s Senate committee without immunity or any other kind of legal protection, and basically ripped them a new asshole. In case you don’t know what I’m talking about, just Google the name “George Galloway”. (I should also point out that he did not use notes or any kind of prompting device during the entire almost-four-minute-long tirade.)

This is the kind of politician I wish we had over here. Hey, George? Interested in an American citizenship? You can’t run for president (yet), but you could sure shake things up on the political scene.

On Revenge of the Sith: One word: Awesome.

More? O.K. This movie may single-handedly save the entire SW franchise. It’s the best SW movie since The Empire Strikes Back. (And, just like that movie, the plot is basically summed up in the title.)

It is also patently obvious that this movie deserves its PG-13 rating—it is not for small children. Not unless you want them to see a man being burned to a smoky crisp…

I also appreciate the not-so-subtle jabs at the current U.S. government:

ANAKIN: “If you’re not with me, you’re my enemy!”
OBI-WAN: “Only the Sith deal in absolutes!”

Sound familiar? It should!

On The “Nuclear Option”: The showdown could happen this week. Attention all Democratic Senators: You. Must. Not. Waver. If there was ever a time when you must all stand united, it is now. If you don’t, then you deserve to be called “losers”!’

Also, big props to moveon.org for the very clever commercial they created and have been running on CNN all weekend. Go to www.moveon.org to see it.

And memo to Republicans: You DO NOT want to do this. You won’t be in charge forever. Remember that!

On Howard Dean: As I sit here on this Sunday morning watching him on Meet the Press, I wonder how the Democrats ever decided John Kerry was a better choice than Dean for their Presidential candidate.

On the pictures of Saddam: One word: STOOOPID!!!

I’m not sure who was behind the idea of splashing Saddam in his skivvies all over the media, but it was not the best of plans.

Don’t get me wrong—I don’t like Saddam, and I’m in favor of anything that makes him look silly. But now is NOT the time to do something that makes us look even worse than we already do. Most of the rest of the world already hates us. We should not be doing anything that fans the flames of that hatred. That’s just simple common sense!

Sadly, common sense isn’t.

Wait for it. You’ll get it.

There you go!

They Lied?! How DARE They!

I may have to start subscribing to Newsweek.

I figure it'll be cheap. Because after the right-wing nutjobs get done raking them over the coals, I may be their only subscriber. Accordingly, they'll want to keep their prices low to retain my subscription.

And why all the furor? Well, apparently, during an article detailing the abuses of some detainees at the Guantanamo Bay prison, they quoted someone (who was quoting someone else) as saying that some of the guards would occasionally flush the detainees' copies of the Koran down the toilet. Understandably, this upset a rather large number of Muslims. And there were violent protests in Afganistan and elsewhere as a result.

Well, now, today, Newsweek has backed away from the claim, saying that the original source of this information has also backed away from it.

The important thing to remember here is that this is thirdhand information at least. I think the biggest mistake Newsweek made was even allowing this information in the magazine in the first place.

But, according to the right wingnuts, this article was the sole cause of protests in Afghanistan and other parts of the Muslim world, protests that lead to some deaths.

"Newsweek lied, people died" is one of the screams from the right wingnuts. As if a single news magazine article had the power to inspire thousands of people to riot.

Is it just possible that these protests were caused by more than just a single article in a magazine, and that maybe, just maybe, it was simply the final straw that snapped the back of a heavily overloaded camel.

I mean, there are plenty of other things for the Afghans and other Muslims to be pissed about:

* The invasion and occupation of not just one but two sovereign countries by the United states--and the subsequent installation in those countries of puppet governments that do exactly what the U.S. wants.

* The thousands of innocent civilians in those countries who have been killed during those invasions and occupations.

* The photographically documented abuse of dozens of detainees in Iraq's Abu Ghraib prison.

* The harassment of Arabs in general as a result of the September 11th attacks.

Nah. I couldn't have been any of those things. A single article in a magazine caused the whole shitstorm.

I think what pisses me off the most about the whole situation is that the right-wingers will repeatedly trumpet this as an example of the "liberal" bias in mainstream media, just like they did with Dan Rather and the whole "memogate" scandal. Never mind the fact that Time magazine recently named George W. Bush as their person of the year, and did a cover story canonizing Ann Coulter.

"Liberal media". Yeah. Right.

Chicken Little, D.C. Style

Did ya see it? The footage of all those people running willy-nilly out of the government buildings in Washington, because a tiny Cessna aircraft had flown into restricted government airspace.

Very dramatic, wasn't it? Lots of shots of Capitol cops shouting orders and making grand gestures. People running semi-panicked. Even Nancy Reagan was evacuated by the Secret Service. And, of course, DUIbya wasn't at the White House--he was out riding his bicycle.

It sure makes for entertaining TV, doesn't it? You would've thought the world was ending. And you might think that it was a marvelous job of our government responding to a crisis. It couldn't have gone better if it was scripted.

Here's something for you to ponder, though:

This was a very small plane. You've all seen one at some point--it's that high winged monoplane that Cessna makes. You know, the one with the big tricyle wheels that don't retract.

My point is this: Exactly how much damage do they think this plane could've done by itself?

I mean, the last time someone tried doing some damage with a plane like this (remember when that plane crashed into the White House back in '94), it didn't even break a window.

And even IF this plane carried, say, machine guns, explosives, some kind of chemical weapon, or even, God forbid, a nuclear weapon, it wouldn't have made a difference whether these people were inside or outside. In fact, in the case of guns or chemical weapons, they probably would be safer on the inside.

But the point of this whole excercise is that it keeps everyone scared witless, and safely under control. Fear is an excellent motivator. It keeps us from questioning the government's actions. And I'm sure that the next time a couple of idiots in a plane make a left instead of a right, we will react in the same manner.

The government overreacted and pushed the panic button. And Americans responded to it like Pavlov's dogs.

What do you suppose might have happened if this had been an actual attack?

I shudder to think.

I Hate This Day

(This is going to be one very unpleasant entry. Consider yourself warned.)


Why do I hate this fucking day? I'll tell you.

Because it's Mother's Day. The third year in a row now (and counting) that I don't have a mother in my life to celebrate it with.

There are other significant dates, of course: The day my parents were married. My mom's birthday. The day she died. A few others.

The difference between them and this day, however, is that I am not CONSTANTLY reminded by every fucking media source imaginable of the significance of those days.

There is no escaping it! Two of of every three TV commercials mention it. Sunday newspaper ads trumpet sales in its honor. Every other comic strip in the Sunday funnies mentions it.

And, of course, everyone takes their mother out to dinner on it. Which is why I avoid any public place like the plague, on this day more than any other.

I realize that the pain may not always be this bad. It's gotten far easier to cope with over the past three years than it was the first year. In time, it may cease to be so painful and I'll remember the good without the bad.

And, of course, it helps to rant about it to you the three readers of this my humble blog. Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. It helped.

I apologize if this entry upset you. But perhaps someday, somehow, someone else who is in the same angry, sad, pissed-off-at-the-whole-world place that I am today will stumble across this entry and realize that they are not alone in this world.

To them I say this:

Take heart, my brother (or sister!). The pain can't last forever. And you'll see her again someday, in a better place.

Take care.

Peace out.

Big Deal

So today is Cinco de Mayo. So what?

If you look back through the archives back to July, You'll see that in the journals I was keeping before I started this blog, I wondered why we make such a fuss in this country over Cinco de Mayo. I called it an excuse just to get smashed and party. Much like most other holidays in this country.

From what I understand, the holiday commemorates the Mexican army's victory over the French.

Wow. A holiday to celebrate beating the French.

That's like a holiday celebrating the lions defeating the Christians.

That's like a holiday celebrating the New England Patriots beating the local Boston Pop Warner team.

That's like a holiday celebrating the Superfriends defeating the Legion of Doom.

My point is this: Defeating the French army is no significant military feat. And if there was a holiday to celebrate every time the French army was defeated, we'd all have a LOT of days off!

So it's really pointless to celebrate Cinco de Mayo. Especially in this country.

If you want to go out and party, just do it! But don't pretend you're doing it in honor of some foreign country's holiday!

An Anniversary, of Sorts

I just realized that Sunday was May 1st.

This date has a significance greater than simply the fact that it's May Day.

Y'see, one year ago, on May 1st, I wrote the first entry in my semi-daily journal, which, almost three short months later, would become this my humble blog.

Yes folks, it's true: I have been transcribing my thoughts and ramblings into electronic format for more than a year now.

Thank you. Please hold the applause. Just give me money.

And on this somewhat momentous occasion I want to look back over a few significant events that happened over the course of the last year (this is by no means a complete or comprehensive list):

* In May 2004, James Franklin McAfee, my cousin Shawn's third child, entered this world.

* In June 2004, the Detroit Pistons stunned L.A. (and the world) by using a combination of great team play and strong defense to defeat the Lakers in the championship series 4 games to 1.

* In July 2004, the Democrats selected the most boring man in the world as their candidate for president. Three people died of boredom during his acceptance speech. Several others are hospitalized.

* In August 2004, the Republicans re-nominated the worst president in history. Throughout the convention, the name Osama Bin Laden is never mentioned.

* In September 2004, the third anniversary of the worst attack ever on American soil passed. Little mention of it was made, other than in political attack ads.

* In October 2004, the Boston Red Sox ended an 86 year World Series drought. Thousands of elderly Bostonians died shortly thereafter, most of them after saying something along the lines of "that's all I was waiting for."

* In November 2004, the World's Greatest College Football Team, the Ohio State Buckeyes, beat the ever-loving crap out of that team from Michigan. Oh yeah, and some guy got re-elected.

* In December 2004, the aforementioned buckeyes travelled to San Antonio and opened a Texas-sized can of whoop-ass on Oklahoma State. Maurice who?

* In January 2005, the third anniversary of my mother's death passed. I will always miss her.

* In February 2005, The New England patriots won the Super Bowl. Why the hell couldn't Bill Belichick coach this well when he coached the Browns?! Oh, and that other winter sport, hockey, became the first professional sport to lose an entire season due to a labor dispute.

* In March 2005, Air America Radio celebrated one year on the air, now with over 50 stations. Right-wingers start to sweat a little. It's getting harder for them to laugh it off.

* In April 2005, I filed my taxes after waiting until the last possible minute. I find out I could have had a fairly good-sized refund much earlier, if I'd done my taxes earlier. D'oh!

* In May 2005, I realize I've been doing this for a year. I congratulate myself.

Wow. A lot can happen in a year, huh?

I Have a Problem

Want to know what it is? Too bad! I'm going to tell you anyway!

My problem is this: I read too much. There. I've said it.

I know. "How", you are asking, "can this possibly be a bad thing?"

Well, Sparky, I'm glad you asked.

I am a voracious reader. I would guess that in the 35+ years I've been walking this earth, I've probably read close to a thousand books, written by everyone from Arthur C. Clarke to Zane Grey. I take advantage of every opportunity I can to read. Usually I read fiction, but I also read the occasional work of non-fiction.

I know. "WHEN WILL HE GET TO THE POINT?!"

The point is this. Lately, more and more books are being made into movies. Hollyweird, it would seem, is lately incapable of coming up with an original idea Don't believe me? Check the roster of summer movies coming out this summer, and see how many of them are based on old TV shows.

So what's so bad about this trend? Well, for one thing, there are a host of problems involved with cramming a 500+ page book into a two hour movie. The loss of detail. The loss of complex characters. Etc.

But by far the biggest problem of movie adaptations of books is often the failure of the movie to even remotely resemble the plot of the book in any way.

You may recall in Yesterday's post that I lamented the failure of T.H.H.G.G. movie to stay faithful to the book. But, as bad as it was, it was not as bad as some of the other crap that has come out of Hollyweird (Coughs Sahara).

Currently, I am reading H.G. Wells' War of the Worlds, mostly because I enjoy a good book but also partially because of the movie of the same name that is due to be released this summer. I know this is probably not a good idea, but I just can't help myself. And from what I've seen of the trailers, I'm pretty sure about the only thing this new movie and the book will have in common is the title.

Note to Steven Spielberg: I realize it's hard to adapt a book that was written over a century ago, but couldya at least try?

Maybe I'm wrong. Who knows? Time will tell.

Meanwhile, I'll keep reading. I guess I'm just a glutton for punishment.

Hitchhiker's Guide, Part 2

So. I went to see The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy today.

I should've saved my money.

Don't get me wrong. I would really recommend this movie to anyone. Who hasn't read any of the books from the series.

For anyone who has read one or more of the books, let me give you this advice: Skip it!

Let me preface any further comments by saying that it's been almost five years since the last time I read THGTTG and the details are kind of foggy in my mind. But I remember most of it.

As the movie begins, it remains pretty faithful to the book--for about the first half-hour. At that point, it begins to go "off book",as it were.

But then it goes crazy. Without giving away too much of the plot, let me say that in none of the 5 books of the "trilogy" do our heroes ever go to the planet Vogsphere, or visit the home of the worshippers of The Great Green Arkleseizure (read the book!) or end up trapped on Earth (Mark II) in Arthur Dent's rebuilt house.

Let me just say that after seeing this movie, I have to believe that Douglas Adams is spinning in his grave.

Yes, he died about 3 years ago. (pause here to weep a single tear)

And yes, a lot of the lines from the book are in the movie, but this does not mean that it's a faithful adapation.

Why? I'll give you an example. I have no problem with the producers casting a black actor in the part of Ford Prefect (again, read the book!), but couldn't you at LEAST have cast a British actor, or at least trained him to speak with a British accent?!

All in all, I have to say that the funniest part of seeing this movie came while I was standing in line to buy my popcorn. I saw a man buying a ticket to the movie, and he had a cast on his hand--he had at least a broken thumb. Get it? He could not stick out his thumb!

The logo for the movie is a hand with an extended thumb.

What. Am I talking to a wall here?!

You people have no appreciation of irony!