The Kingdom of Loathing

www.kingdomofloathing.com

I heartily recommend this game to the three people who read this blog! It's fun!

And today is Saint Sneaky Pete's day!

I Knew It

I figured it would only be a matter of time:



I mean, one of the top Democratic presidential candidates having a first name that was only one letter away from the world's most notorious terrorist--I knew it would be inevitable.

Once again proving that there is no limit to how low the other side will go.

By the way, in case you were wondering, that's Mitt Romney smiling in that picture. And he was more than happy to autograph it.

Thanks to BuckeyeStateBlog for the picture.

Great Britain: Strong as an Ox

(This is a semi-follow-up to yesterday's post.)

It would seem that Hollywood, and perhaps the world in general, seems to think that England will always prevail.

You see, much in the same way New York City always seems to be destined to be destroyed in the movies, England always seems to be destined to survive whatever apocalypse will destroy the world not so very long from now.

By the way, why is it that celluloid versions of the future always seem to depict the world of the future(s) either as a high-tech utopia or a post-apocalyptic wasteland? Of all the movies I've seen, only Minority Report seemed to achieve some kind of middle ground between the two.

But I digress. As I was saying, England always seems destined to somehow survive whatever cataclysm has rendered the rest of the future world a barbaric wasteland. You see it in everything from movies like Shaun of the Dead to V for Vendetta. (And if you haven't seen either of those movies, stop reading now and go to your local video store and pick them up. You won't be disappointed.)

What is it about England that has everyone convinced it will survive?

Well, for starters, part of it may have to do with the fact that it survived for so long. I mean, here is an island nation whose total land mass is less than the state of Idaho (I include Northern Ireland), with limited natural resources, and with no shortage of enemies throughout the ages. And it's a nation that has not only survived centuries of brutal military assaults, but has beaten them all back and in most cases repaid the favor in spades.

It's also the nation that founded this nation of ours, and that, despite our differences over the decades, remains to this day one of our strongest allies.

It's also a nation that maintains its standing as one of the oldest surviving monarchies, despite the fact that its monarch is little more than a figurehead, and that its royal family is lately plagued by more scandals than Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and Michael Jackson combined.

And it's a nation that is famous for the "Stiff upper lip", the trademark stoicism that has carried the British through crisis after crisis for years.

In fact, the only thing I can think of that will bring Great Britain down is if some kind of plant virus were to destroy every single tea leaf in the world.

Without tea, England would be gone in a day.

Children of Men

I recommend that the 3 readers of this Blog do 4 things.

1) Rent the movie in the Title of this post.

2) Watch the movie and the special features.

3) Pray for the survival of mankind.

4) Hope that our children will forgive us for the world we are leaving for them.

Good night, and Good Luck.

Sad.

Ran across this car in the parking lot of a local grocery store. Please, please, PLEASE tell me this is not the saddest thing you've ever seen in your life:



Seriously, personalized license plates aren't cheap. So how much sense does it make to spend that kind of money to advertise to the world what a complete and total dork you are?

Perhaps the words of William Shatner can best explain how sad this is:

You know, before I answer any more questions there's something I wanted to say. Having received all your letters over the years, and I've spoken to many of you, and some of you have traveled... y'know... hundreds of miles to be here, I'd just like to say... GET A LIFE, will you people? I mean, for crying out loud, it's just a TV show! I mean, look at you, look at the way you're dressed! You've turned an enjoyable little job, that I did as a lark for a few years, into a COLOSSAL WASTE OF TIME!

I mean, how old are you people? What have you done with yourselves?

You, you must be almost 30... have you ever kissed a girl?

I didn't think so! There's a whole world out there! When I was your age, I didn't watch television! I LIVED! So... move out of your parent's basements! And get your own apartments and GROW THE HELL UP! I mean, it's just a TV show dammit, IT'S JUST A TV SHOW!

Now I realize that he was talking about trekkies--sorry, trekkERS--but just replace the words "TV Show" with "movie", and replace William Shatner with Mark Hamill or Harrison Ford, and then imagine the owner of that car standing in the front row of the crowd. Suddenly the speech isn't so much a humorous SNL sketch as it is a desparate cry for help.

The One True Church--NOT!

This week, Poop--er Pope Benedict XVI has approved a document asserting that Catholicsm is the One True Religion, and that the Eastern Orthodox Churches are defective, and that other Christian Churches are not true churches.

And may I say to Poop-er Pope Benedict XVI this: Fuck You!

And may I further add: And the horse you rode in on!

Perhaps I should change that to the Chariot you rode in on.

Yes, the Chariot. For you, as the head of the Catholic church, have refused to acknowledge that there may be any advances of mankind past the wheel.

You see, God gave us the power of imagination.

And that power enabled us to imagine that there might be something to do other that spend our entire life worshipping Him.

That power enabled us to imagine that some day, humankind might find a cure for diseases that had killed millions of us.

That power enabled us to imagine that someday we would break the bonds of gravity and fly.

That power enabled us to imagine that some day, humankind might esape the bonds of this Earth, and live in the Stars.

That power enabled us to imagine that we as a people would launch a deep space probe named Voyager, loaded with data that NASA scientists thought was the best humanity had to offer, into the interstellar void.

And that power of imagination helps me to think that my 2 nephews will one day lead humanity in establishing a human Republic in Space that will last for Millienia. Hey, a man can dream.

And, most importantly, that power of imagination helped us believe that God wouldn't mind if people chose to worship Him in dozens, if not hundreds, of different ways.

So I reject your finding that there is no other valid religion. As I have rejected every other tenet from a religion that seems to want to stay permanently mired in the 15th century. Mankind has progressed in spite of the Catholic church, not because of it. And I have to believe that we are all the better for it.

Sicko

So. I went to see Sicko over the weekend.

Yes, I have seen every Michael Moore film ever made. In case you hadn't noticed, I am an unabashed liberal. I make no apologies for this. I firmly believe that every social advancement in this country has been championed by liberals. Abolition of slavery immediately pops to mind...

So, keeping the film in mind, I reject any arguments that Moore has created a propaganda piece designed to demonize the American medical system, and advance the cause of socialized medicine.

As Moore pointed out, we have socialized a lot of things in this country. Fire, police, education (for the most part) spring to mind.

So why not health care?

Because, in 1971, a man named Kaiser managed to convince the Republican Administration that providing health care could be profitable. The same administration that created the Environmental Protection Agency, by the way.

I firmly believe that the Health Maintenance Organization was created to help people. After all, who could be unhappy about companies that had the ultimate goal of encouraging people to live a more healthy lifestyle?

But over the course of the next 30+ years, that goal became corrupted. The almighty dollar reared its ugly head. And these companies became increasingly profitable by demonstrating how much care they could NOT provide, instead of the reverse. And as the insurance and drug companies showed increasing profits, they gained even more incentive to make those profits even larger. It became a vicious cycle of greed.

It culminated in the deregulation of drug companies in the mid-90's. A flood of commercials for drug companies hit the airwaves, driving the demand for drugs to treat everything from high cholesterol to erectile dysfunction.

As a result, we as a nation watched our quality of health care decline even as its costs rose. I myself, in the 11+ years I have been in my current job, have seen my health care costs more than quadruple. And I have insurance!

Conservatives complain that Moore's film lionizes the health care systems of other countries while ignoring their faults. Not one mention is made of the faults readily apparent in our own system of health care.

After all, if you had a choice between waiting a few weeks for a medical procedure or being totally denied that procedure, which would you choose?

I thought so.

The Pardon in all but Name

So. Scooter Libby has received a full pard--er, commutation of his sentence from Idiot Boy--er, president Bush.

What this means is that the only man to be held slightly accountable for leaking the name of a covert CIA operative to the media, thus ending her career, will not spend a day in jail, and his token fines (you may think 250K is not such a token fine, but consider that a special fundraising commitee has already raised 2 Million for his defense and any financial penalties he may incur) will not even cause him the slightest inconvenience.

And while you may say that now he is a man with a criminal record (pending reversal on appeal), I might point out that many other people involved in White House scandals and who now have criminal records to show for it have gone on to have long and prosperous careers (G. Gordon Liddy, I'm looking your way here!)

The Constitution of the United States states: "Treason against the United States, shall consist only in levying war against them, or in adhering to their enemies, giving them aid and comfort."

Valerie Plame was heavily involved with countering the efforts of rogue nations, terrorist groups, and other nefarious characters to obtain materials for constructing nuclear weapons. She did this, presumably, by building a secret network of informants throughout several African states which posessed the resources necessary to construct these weapons. These informants would in turn inform her of anyone attempting to obtain said materials. In other words, she was doing the job she had been assigned to. We will probably never know how well. It is a well-known tenet that only the failures of the CIA are ever known.

But publication of her name in the media ended those efforts for good. And irreparably destroyed her career. All in the name of embarassing her husband, a well-known critic of the Bush Regime. A regime, I might point out, that considers any criticism of it to be treason of the highest order.

Scooter Libby, leaking the name of Valerie Plame, committed treason by giving aid and comfort to the enemy, by way of letting them know exactly who they could not trust. He no doubt did this on the orders of Vice President Cheney and/or Karl Rove and/or "President" Bush. We will probably never know just how high up on the food chain that order came from.

But we will always know that Scooter Libby committed Treason as defined by the Constitution. And he will never spend a single day behind bars for doing so.
And that is a disgrace.

Close the Book

Last Thursday, NBC aired the final episode of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. It was the last of a 4-episode arc obviously originally intended for sweeps month.

I was a huge fan of this show from the beginning. It was made by the creators of The West Wing and was aimed at fans of that show, like me. It featured sharp humor, liberal politics, and, most importantly, excellent writing! This last item is a feature that is rapidly disappearing from Television.

I mean, network television today is all about the so-called "reality" shows and watching talentless wannabes singing karaoke badly. There has been a dearth of quality writing on network TV of late, and I highly respect NBC for having the guts to still put out quality, well-written television shows.

Of course, the fact that nobody seems to be watching them makes me wonder how long that trend will continue.

A Great Day Indeed

Last week, I had a great day at work.

As all of the three people who read this blog know, our much beloved boss lost his bid for re-election last November. And his replacement has gone out of her way to completely change the way everything was done by the old administration, regardless of the fact that our office ran like a Swiss watch for years. And her subordinates have followed that doctrine. Basically, they are trying to get rid of anyone who worked in the old administration, any way they can.

That has meant that every tiny little mistake I make has been magnified tenfold. So far, this has meant only one disciplinary action for me. But I am on constant guard against further action.

So last week, my supervisor handed me an e-mail detailing 3 mistakes that had been made the previous week.

And, after a bit of research, and going into e-mails I had been sent, I was able to prove that all 3 mistakes were her fault. It was all I could do from breaking into a shit-eating grin while explaining this.

So it was a good day.

No, it was a GREAT day!

The only downside is that now she'll be even more actively seeking ways to make me look bad.

Bring it on!

Cindy Sheehan Calls it Quits

Cindy Sheehan, the longtime protestor of the war in Iraq, has stepped down as the public face of the anti-war protest movement, saying, "I’ve been wondering why I’m killing myself and wondering why the Democrats caved in to George Bush,"

Hear, hear.

Last year, we as a nation decided it was time to put an end to six solid years of full Republican control of the government, and many of us (myself included) cited frustration with the disastrous war in Iraq as the primary reason.

So what did the Democrats do with their fresh new majority? NOTHING!!!

They caved!

Completely and totally!

Under continuous veto threats from the White House, a PR smear campaign eagerly hyped by the steno media, and constant attacks from the 101st keyboard brigade, the new Democratic majority in Congress once again gave the President exactly what he wanted.

Just wait, they tell us, until next year, when there's a Democrat in the White House. THEN you'll see something new.

First of all, that's a big if. There are no guarantees about that. The current crop of Democratic presidential candidates is mediocre at best. And while the Republicans don't have anything better, the same electoral machine that got the Worst President In History elected twice is already gearing up for next year. And the Democrats have proven time and again that they cannot match the juggernaut that is Republican electoral politics

Secondly, Americans seemingly just don't care! As a country, we seemed to be a LOT more interested in who wins American Idol than in who is running for president.

Don't believe me? Quick, without googling, name me five candidates from each party currently running for president. I'll wait.

I thought so.

Don't feel bad. I couldn't do it myself.

Towards the end of the war in Vietnam, the protest movement in this country against the war was so strong that any candidate who spoke out against it did so at his (or her) peril.

But it took over 14 years and the lives of nearly 70,000 U.S. troops for us to realize what a mistake that was. And this was in a time before Entertainment Tonight, 24 hour news, Paris Hilton, Brangelina, and Anna Nicole Smith. God knows how many more soldiers will have to die before we realize what a mistake this current war is.

Right now, we just don't seem to care. And anyone who does care, like, say, Cindy Sheehan, is shouted down by the right wing smear machine, with the willing help of the steno media.

Perhaps Ms. Sheehan said it best: "Good-bye America ... you are not the country that I love and I finally realized no matter how much I sacrifice, I can’t make you be that country unless you want it. It’s up to you now."

I couldn't agree more.

Lest we Forget...

"The nation which forgets its defenders will be itself forgotten."
-Calvin Coolidge

Of course, soldiers aren't the only ones who die in wars...



Maybe someday there will no longer be wars. And maybe someday a pig will be taught to say the Rosary and then be taken bodily into heaven.

War seems to be a basic part of the human condition. There may be no way to avoid it. Sad.

Jerry Falwell, R.I.H.

(Rot In Hell)

Jerry Falwell is dead.

Notice that I did not call him the "reverend" Jerry Falwell, or any other similar honrific.

Because I believe that he was as much a voice of God as, well, frankly, I am.

I have never claimed, nor will I ever claim, to speak for God. I do not believe that any man, woman or child on this Earth can ever claim that right.

And yet that was what he claimed he did, every day.

The man was, put simply, a racist, misogynist, homophobic bigot.

In 1978, he founded the so-called "Moral Majority" (2 lies for the price of one), which helped usher in the Reagan-Bush era, and helped ensure that social progress in this country would be set back by about 50 years.

He campaigned against sanctions against the Apartheid government of South Africa, claiming that Archbishop Desmond Tutu was a "phony".

He asserted that the Antichrist was alive and a Jewish male.

And, after the September 11th, 2001 attacks, he asserted on National Television:

I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America. I point the finger in their face and say 'you helped this (September 11th) happen.'"

He later apologized for this, and claims he was quoted out of context, but I've seen the video. And this is a man who has been performing in front of a camera for more than 30 years. There is nothing he ever said in front of a live camera he didn't mean.

So I will shed no tears for this man. And I have no sympathy for anyone who does. And I realize that I may lose one of the three readers of this blog by writing this. I don't care. This blog isn't about the readers. It's what I think.

There is an old saying I learned long ago: If you ever see a man coming toward you telling you what a good Christian he is, put one hand on your wallet and walk the other way.

Jerry Falwell became a very wealthy man telling other people what a good Christian he was. Because too many people didn't follow that advice.

Mission Accomplished

Four years ago today, our esteemed leader stood on the deck of an aircraft carrier under a large banner reading "Mission Accomplished" and declared that major combat operations in Iraq were over.

Since then, more than 3,000 U.S. troops and tens of thousands of Iraqi soldiers and civilians have been killed.

But major combat operations ended 4 years ago today. Our President said so.

So I guess they weren't killed after all.

Huh.

Oh well. Here's a picture of my brand new nephew. Hopefully, this war in Iraq that was over four years ago will actually be over before he and his brother are old enough to be drafted.


Welcome to the world, young man! I promised your brother when he was born that I'd do my best to keep the world in one piece until he was old enough to take over. I make you the same promise.

Identified

So. The VT shooter has been identified.

From everything I've heard so far, this guy was, not to put too fine a point on it, one scary-ass motherfucker.

Excuse the language, but there are some times when it is called for.

I mean, from what people have been saying about this man, the only conclusion I've been able to draw is that people should have been asking not if he would have a serious nuclear meltdown, but when.

What is it that can drive a person that far around the bend? Was it some sort of chemical imbalance in his brain? Was it the environment he was raised in? Was it some kind of mind altering drug (or drugs)? Was it cosmic rays from outer space?

Or can it just be that some random event pushed this already dangerously unstable young man over the edge?

I freely admit that there have been times when I have felt the kind of rage that would drive me to homicidal behavior. But I have never acted on that impulse. I simply have to believe that the reason for that is that there is something in my makeup that would never allow me to do that.

Because if there isn't, then I am no better than Cho Seung-Hui. No better than an animal.

And I refuse to believe that.

Yet Another

So. Another mass shooting at a school.

This time, 31 students of Virginia PolyTechnical University are gunned down as they were in the prime of life.

As I understand it, VT is a technical University, heavy into research much along the lines of M.I.T. or Cal Tech. There is a heavy emphasis on Engineering and science curriculum. They also have a pretty decent football team.

So what does the loss of these 31 students mean, exactly?

Well.

For one thing, 31 young lives have been brutally snuffed out before they could become contributing members of society.

31 families will receive the worst news any family could ever receive.

31 promising careers have ended before they even got a chance to start.

Perhaps, more importantly, the future of mankind could have been snuffed out today.

There may have been some student among the dead who was destined to invent the low-cost desalinization device that would ensure an endless supply of fresh water, enough for everyone on the planet and more.

There may have been some student among the dead who was destined to create the new fusion reactor that was destined to solve all the world's energy problems.

There may even have been some student among the dead who was destined to design the spaceship that would carry mankind out into the stars.

OK, so maybe not. Maybe these 31 dead children (that's what they were, and now will always be) were destined for nothing greater than a boring 9 to 5 in a cubicle in the headquarters of some random Fortune 500 company, mindlessly going through the motions of creating a false impression of job satisfaction (a task I am PAINFULLY familiar with).

But, thanks to the actions of a madman, we will never have the opportunity to find out.

But the madman did not kill everyone. Madmen will never kill everyone. Many have tried. None have succeeded. So let me say this to those who survived the attack today: You're alive! Each day you live from now until the day you die is a gift! And you have an obligation to those who did not live through this day to make the best you can of your lives.

Because you can never know when the next day will be your last.

I Am Smarter Than a Fifth Grader

Most of the time, anyway.

I've gotten myself hooked on the new game show, Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader.

And I have to say, I'm light years ahead of the competition.

Most of the time, anyway.

Tonight, for example, the final contestant was beaten by the following question:

"How many meters are in a kilometer?"

Please, please, PLEASE tell me I don't have to tell you the answer to that!

So, should I be scared or entertained?

I mean, only one contestant that I've seen so far has made it past the $25,000 level.

They are answering questions from elementary school textbooks.

And they are not getting the right answers.

Again, should I be scared or entertained?

Admittedly, there was one question tonight I got wrong, but only because it's the one concept of geometry I never learned.

So I am smarter than a fifth grader. Most of the time, anyway. I just wish everyone was.

Because otherwise there is no hope for this country.

Sometimes I Hate Where I Live

The three regular readers of this blog know that I live in the midwest.

And if any of them have been paying attention to The Weather Channel, they know that now, in April, the current temperature is in the low 30's, and there is sporadic snow falling.

This is no surprise. I've been living here almost 30 years. Nothing about the weather surprises me. I'm used to it. But it still bugs me.

Why? Because it does. There is no other explanation.

I'm tired of living through four seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter, and Construction.

I'm tired of days where I've had to switch my car from Heat to A/C in the same day.

I'm tired of wearing a T-shirt to work one day and a Winter coat the next.

But the problem is, there is no better alternative.

Where else can I go?

Florida? Nice weather, but Hurricaes.

Arizona? Hello?! Desert!

California? Hey dude, let's party!

The East Coast? No problem. Just 12 feet of snow every now and then.

Y'see, the Midwest may suck in terms of weather, opportunity, and everything else, but we are the heart of the country. And we will be around long after everyone else.

Which is why the best President in History hailed from Illinois.

And why, hopefully, the next President will also hail from there.

You Know What They Say...

...A picture is worth a thousand words, right?

These pictures are worth 3,218 names...








(The picture above was taken from a window of my office, which is on the sixth floor. Hard to see the tombstones with my camera phone picture, but I'm trying to convey the scale of this memorial--One full city block long!)


For more information about the Arlington Midwest Project, go here.

3,218

So. Here we are again at another anniversary of the invasion of Iraq.

The title of the post refers to the number of U.S. military personnel killed in Iraq since March 19th, 2003

3,079 of those deaths have occured since George Bush stood on the deck of an aircraft carrier (in front of a "mission accomplished" banner) and declared major combat operations in Iraq were over. Somebody, apparently, forgot to tell the other side this.

Add to that the over 24,000 (official) wounded, many of whom are now maimed, crippled, or otherwise scarred for life. This is to say nothing of the thousands more who are now suffering from deep psychological scars that are visible to no other person. It will probably never be possible to count all of them.

Add to that the tens of thousands of Iraqis who have died, both during the war and during the occupation. Most of whom were killed for no other reason than being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

And let's not forget to mention the cost of the war financially. Just check the counter to the right for the current total.

I know that I tend to repeat myself in these anniversary posts, but DAMMIT! IT NEEDS TO BE REPEATED! OFTEN! AND LOUDLY!

Someone HAS to stop this insanity. The American people HAVE to start standing up and SHOUTING! I do every day, but I'm pissing into the wind, apparently, because NO ONE IS LISTENING!

The reason no one listens to me, I think, is that no one WANTS to listen to me, or to anyone else who says things like this. Because to acknowledge that the things I say here are right simply reminds people that THEY DID NOTHING TO STOP IT!

So people simply nod uncomfortably and tune me out when I say these things. Because it makes them realize how wrong this whole venture has been from the get go. And if there is ONE THING that we as Americans--no, as a human beings--refuse to acknowledge, it's the possibility that we MIGHT have made a mistake.

The last time we made a mistake of this magnitude, it took nearly 20 years to admit it. And in the meantime, this mistake cost the lives of nearly 60,000 American soldiers and MILLIONS of Vietnamese, both military and civilian, on both sides.

We as a race seem to have a inherent inability to learn from our mistakes. It may very well be the thing that ultimately destroys us. And sooner than we think.

Until then, I'll keep hoping it doesn't happen. I'm probably fooling myself.