Monday, January 21, 2013

Fifty Shades of HUUURK!

(Yeah, it's been a while. If I really have to explain to you people how lazy I am--again--then you really need to pay more attention!)

Well, the world may not have ended on December 21st. But that doesn't still mean we are not all hurtling toward some global apocalypse that will wipe us all out.

Doubts? Take a look at this headline:

50 Shades of Grey is best-selling book of all time

(full story here)

So, yeah, we're all basically fucking doomed.

You see, I'm a firm believer in not judging a book by its cover (literally). So, in the interests of fair play, I looked up this..."book"...on my library's digital book website. It was available, so I downloaded it to my tablet.

And I started to read.

Page one. I began to feel queasy.

Page two. My stomach was rumbling dangerously.

Page two and one quarter. I had to run to the bathroom before I threw up in my mouth.

I grabbed my tablet and, holding it gingerly with one hand, and pressed the "return/delete" button\ with the other hand. I didn't want to get sick again.

Seriously. I got less than 3 pages into this book before I knew it was the worst. Book. Ever. 

The worst part is that somewhere out there is a digital record of the fact that I, once upon a time, borrowed this book from the library. That's forever. God help me.