Monday, August 28, 2006

Rebuttal to the "Bill of Non-Rights"

Today, the so-called "Bill of Non-Rights landed in my e-mail inbox for the umpteenth time. So I have prepared this response. Enjoy!

I, a sensible person, and a thinking American, possessed of an above-average intelligence and being able to read above a third grade level, having received for the umpteenth time this piece of garbage called “the bill of non-rights”, have prepared a point by point rebuttal to it. Being completely sick and tired of such narrow-minded, jingoistic, uneducated crap, I want to set the record straight. Therefore, I have included all of the original 11 “non-rights”, with each one followed immediately by my rebuttal.

ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.

ARTICLE I REBUTTAL: Of course no one has the RIGHT to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. But when the world's wealthiest industrialized nation still has one-fifth of its population living in soul-killing poverty, and one percent of its population controls 90 percent of its wealth, maybe it's time to re-examine the way we distribute that wealth.

ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc.; but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.

ARTICLE II REBUTTAL: Of course you do not have the right to never be offended. You also have the right to address the person who offended you and tell them that they offend you. You have the right to do it LOUDLY. And if you think otherwise, then you are one of those idiots. Perhaps if more people exercised this right, offensive people might learn to keep their opinions to themselves.

ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful; do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.

ARTICLE III REBUTTAL: You have the right to expect that the products you spend good money on are safe to use. And if manufacturers, in the interest of cost cutting, make defective products that can maim, cripple, or kill people, then they should be forced to pay through the nose when those products do exactly that. It's the surest way to teach them not to do it again.

ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes!

ARTICLE IV REBUTTAL: Of course you don't have the right to FREE food and housing, but you do have the right to AFFORDABLE food and housing. And it should be safe to live in that housing and consume that food. And instead of complaining about people who live on welfare, maybe we ought to examine some of the reasons WHY people are living like that*

ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care.

ARTICLE V REBUTTAL: The only ones who don't want free health care are the insurance and drug companies. Ask any sane person if they would like to be able to afford lifesaving drugs or treatments without taking out a second mortgage on their house and they will ALWAYS answer YES!

ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.

ARTICLE VI REBUTTAL: Capital punishment is useless as a deterrent. It is also ridiculously difficult to make happen. If you ask me, sticking someone in a 8 x 10 room for the rest of their life with a 6'6" cellmate named Bubba who thinks they've got a pretty mouth is a far worse form of punishment. Let them experience hell on earth for a few decades before they get to the real hell. That’s a far worse punishment than death.

ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.

ARTICLE VII REBUTTAL: If you're going punish people for stealing, then make sure you punish everybody who steals, regardless of their wealth, political connections, or other influence that makes them feel above the law. If you're going to imprison the junkie that steals a woman's purse with $85 in it, then you had better also imprison the CEO who steals $85 million from his company's pension fund and then expects to retire with it to a life of ease on some tropical island.

ARTICLE VIII: You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful. (AMEN!)

ARTICLE VIII REBUTTAL: No one has the right to a job, but we do have the right to expect the jobs we DO have to remain in place, not be shipped overseas to some poverty-stricken country where people are so desperate for money that they will work for $2 a day and no bathroom breaks. And if that DOES happen, then we have the right to expect to have all the help we can get to help us train ourselves to get another job just as good, and not to have to spend what should be our retirement years cleaning toilets at Wal-Mart because our pension fund has disappeared (see Article VII rebuttal above) (TESTIFY!)

ARTICLE IX: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness, which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.

ARTICLE IX REBUTTAL: The Pursuit of happiness is often made easier by laws that protect people from abuse. A goodly number of those laws were passed by well-meaning people who wanted—and still want—to protect us all from being exploited by big business. And yes, some of those laws are idiotic. If you don't like it, get yourself elected to political office and do something to change them. Until you do, quit bitching about it!

ARTICLE X: This is an English speaking country. We don't care where you are from, English is our language. Learn it or go back to wherever you came ! from! (lastly....)

ARTICLE X REBUTTAL: Not everyone in the world speaks English. Heck, a lot of our ancestors couldn't speak English when they first came here. Most of them did pretty well. Give people a break. They're trying. Besides, if we hold people to the rule that they can't live in a country unless they speak its native language, then we'd better give this country back to the Indians until we learn THEIR languages (ALL of them!)

ARTICLE XI: You do not have the right to change our country's history or heritage This country was founded on the belief in one true God. And yet, you are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any faith, or no faith at all; with no fear of persecution. The phrase IN GOD WE TRUST is part of our heritage and history, and if you are uncomfortable with it, TOUGH!

ARTICLE XI REBUTTAL: What part of "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion" do you NOT understand? The writers of the Bill of Rights were all deeply religious men, but they also knew firsthand the oppression that could arise when the government established a state religion. That's why it's the VERY FIRST PROHIBITION in the First amendment, ahead of prohibiting government interference with free speech, freedom of the press, the right to peaceably assemble, and the right to petition the government for a redress of grievances (I bet you didn't know them all, did you?!)

I am so tired of this retarded claptrap repeatedly landing in my inbox. I believe an idiot with an e-mail account and a cause is more dangerous than a terrorist at the controls of a jumbo jet. Quit whining about our government. Believe me, things could be MUCH worse. If you don't like the government we have, you're more than welcome to move to China or North Korea and experience the alternative.

Friday, August 25, 2006

The Hens Win!

The three readers of this blog may or may not be aware that I am a BIG fan of the Toledo Mud Hens, our local triple A minor league baseball team.

This is the top-tier farm team for the Detroit Tigers, who happen to be in playoff contention for the first time in 13 years. And they were the League champions last year.

And they are again in a tight playoff race. They have only a few games left (their regular season ends on Labor Day) and they are in a race with the other teams in their division to win it all. And last night, they played the Indianapolis Indians in the last regular season matchup they will have with them.

And they won!

In a VERY dramatic, come-from-behind victory.

This was a crucial game for them. Win it, and they would be in a tie for first place in their division. Lose, and they would drop back to two games behind.

I was there. And I screamed. A lot. And today I have lost my voice. Turns out that getting enthusiastic about a game can cost you physically.

But it was a lot of fun.

I might point out that the Hens are in the unique position of having their Major League team being playoff contenders for the first time in more than a decade. So they can lose key players at any time (which has really hurt the pitching staff).

Which makes their drive for a championship all the more impressive.

Which is why I love the Mud Hens.


Mud Hens

UPDATE (11:00 p.m.) Hens beat Louisville 10-4, move into sole posession of first place in their division. Woo-hoo!

Saturday, August 19, 2006

It Happened Again!

And at the exact same store!

You may recall this post back in January about a woman who took my cart in a grocery store. Well, the same thing happened today. I was in the exact same grocery store. I had a 12-pack in my cart. I got in line at the in-store bank. While waiting, a man removed the 12-pack and walked away with my cart.

This time, I caught up with him. I took the cart back. I was damned if it was going to happen again.

It makes me wonder if politeness has completely disappeared from today's society. I mean, don't you think it's just a bit rude to assume an unattended shopping cart with item(s) in it has been abandoned? And to furthermore remove said item(s) and take the cart for yourself?

I am now issuing an open warning to any would-be cart-stealers who cast your gaze towards my unattended shopping carts: IF you try it again, violence will ensue. I've reached my limit!

Friday, August 18, 2006

Platinum Showgirls

The radio station I listen to at work often has ads for Platinum Showgirls, a local nudie bar. The commercials advertise the great food and huge TV's that are available at this place.

First things first: Ohio does not allow alcohol and naked women to be in the same establishment. So there is either drinking or stripping, but not both. So you are either horny or drunk at this place. But that's not my point.

My point is this: If you go to a peeler bar to eat and watch TV, then you need to seriously re-examine your priorities.

That's all I'm sayin'!

Sorry for not posting for a while. Would it be pointless to tell you people how lazy I am?

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Say it Ain't So, Joe!

Lieberman = Loserman.

It's as simple as that. Joe Lieberman lost the Democratic (AND democratic) primary.

He then immediately declared his intention to run as an Independent.

He thinks he can count on the support of the same people that helped his failed primary campaign.

Is he in for a surprise!

Y'see, those loyal Democrats with any sense will immediately throw all their support behind the ELECTED Democrat (Lamont). Many already have. And I have a feeling that when Joe tries to call his buddy Bill Clinton to come campaign for him this October, he will be treated to a busy signal (Bill's already in enough trouble with his wife, who has stated she will support whoever wins the primary)

And Lamont has an amazing people power movement behind him, which will grow ten times stronger with his victory. Up until now, the netroots have been only marginally successful in elections. Defeating a three-term Senator who once ran as the Democratic nominee for Vice President proves that the netroots cannot be laughed off as a fringe group any longer.

So it's time for you to bow out, Joe. Accept that Professorship at Yale. Or one of those 12 Board member positions you will be offered. Or maybe you can get your good buddy George Bush to give you a cabinet post...

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Say Goodnight, Joecie!

It would seem that Connecticut Senator Joe Lieberman is facing a serious primary challenge from Ned Lamont. I have withheld weighing in on this until now, for fear of being identified as one of the "hysterical" bloggers that are piling onto Joe for all they're worth.

But now, let me say this: If you lose next Tuesday, Joe, then bow out gracefully.

This primary has been THE demonstration of the ever expanding power of the blogger netroots (of which I am a member, even if I am a basically unheard one). The good folks at have been on this campaign from the beginning, and the traditional media can no longer laugh off the power of the blogs.

There is a famous quote attributed to Mahatma Gandhi: "First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win."

The blogosphere can no longer be laughed off as a bunch of wackos. Our political power is growing. And while some of us may fall by the wayside, I have little doubt that next Tuesday may serve as a very effective demonstration of the power of the netroots.

So, Mr. Lieberman, if you lose next Tuesday, have the good grace to take it like a man. Maybe if you learn your lesson, you'll be able to resurrect your political career as a TRUE Democrat.