Thursday, July 25, 2013

I Want my Stuff Back!

So, this happened.

(Seriously, visit the link or the rest of this post won't make any sense.)

Yes. The bank took nearly all her stuff, sold and/or trashed it, and, when she asked them to be reasonable and give her what seems to me to be a very modest sum for just the actual cost (not the real value) of replacing what she lost, they basically told her to get lost.

This is going to end up costing the bank 20 times (or more) what the woman was originally asking for, and it's a PR nightmare for them. By now, this story is has gone viral. I've told lots of people at work about it. Their reaction was about the same as mine: After picking their collective jaws off the floor, they were in disbelief. They simply couldn't imagine how a bank could, after making a mistake like this, treat the woman with such blatant indifference and disrespect.

The best part is the part about them "trying to come to terms" with the homeowner. Here's a little tip for the bank president: The only way you "come to terms" with this woman is to admit that you made a terrible mistake, pay for her to fully refurnish her house, her garage, her shed, her car, and then maybe buy her a new, fully furnished vacation house in Florida, then pray fervently that she doesn't take you to court and get you in front of a jury and end up owning your bank.

Every day, I see some bank do something outrageous, and I think that nothing can possibly top that. Then I find out I was wrong.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

The Perfect Royal Baby Name

Note: As I write this, no name has been selected yet. So I can still hope...

I have the perfect name for the new Royal Child.

Bear with me here. It's hard to write this without laughing, so I may misspell a few times.

Tdblsm Apwlfwa/

No that's not right. I'll try again...

Tuyrdlbsom Apwpleefrts

No, dammit, that's not right either. Hang on. I'll get it right this time.

Here goes. (*snicker*)

Turdblossom Applefarts.

Yes. That's it. That's perfect!

Now wait, hear me out. Seriously.

Think about it for a minute. A. This kid is being born into the British Royal Family. So that's strike one against him right there. I mean, centuries ago, the British Royal family ruled an empire that nearly covered the globe. People around the world lived in fear of them, because they knew their lives could end with a royal whim.

Now, the only thing people around the world live in fear of is which member of the royal family will be the next to cause a major scandal.

So the reputation of the Royal Family needs to be repaired. And by someone with the strength of character to do it. So if anyone is strong enough to overcome a childhood of constant harassment by press and paparazzi and gossip-mongers, while simultaneously wearing a moniker of (*chortle*) Turdblossom Applefarts, well then, such a person could singlehandedly restore the feared reputation of the British Empire.

Even if everyone still laughs behind his back at his name. A lot.

On second thought, maybe it wouldn't work. Oh well.

Still, I may put $5 down on the name. Odds makers would probably give me 15 million to one on the choice. The parents could get seriously drunk and make the choice. I would be set for life.

A man can dream.

Thursday, July 04, 2013

They Said It Better Than I Ever Could, 4th of July Edition.

Yet another entry in my ongoing TSIBTIEC series, presented without further comment: