You Might be a Redneck

Last week I got a forward from one of my redneck relatives entitled "You might be a redneck if..." I opened it, expecting humor, but instead I got a lot of sap. So I decided to get a little creative and expand on the original. So here it is, with my response to each point in parentheses:

You might be a redneck if: You've never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places.
(probably because you couldn't read them...)

You might be a redneck if: You still say "Christmas" instead of "Winter Festival."
(Because you've never been to any place that actually has winter...)

You might be a redneck if: You bow your head when someone prays.
(But the last time YOU prayed was on the last frame of that perfect game you bowled 5 years ago)

You might be a redneck if: You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem.
(and you think it ends with the words, "Gentlemen, start your engines!")

You might be a redneck if: You treat Viet Nam vets with great respect, and always have.
(Like John Kerry, for example?)

You might be a redneck if: You've never burned an American flag.
(But you HAVE burned a cross on someone's front lawn.)

You might be a redneck if: You know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.
(as long as your wife doesn't hear.)

You might be a redneck if: You respect your elders and expect your kids to do the same.
(And if they don't, you'll beat them!)

You might be a redneck if: You'd give your last dollar to a friend.
(And by doing so, you gave away half of your family fortune)

Heh.