Tuesday, September 09, 2008

A Heartwarming Story (Pt. 3)

Disclaimer: The following is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is PURELY coincidental (Really!)

Chapter 3: Remaking the Image.

In 1960, a family named Kennedy had successfully put their favorite son John into the office of Kingofalltheland by playing up his image as an everyman. It was easy for them, though, because he was from the Democrat tribe, which had long cultivated its image as the party of the people.

George, however was faced with a new reality. He was a member of the Republic Tribe. This was a tribe made up of two types of people: Extremely wealthy ones, who were the real masters of the party, and easily duped rural and small-town ones who were easily swayed by talk of "family values" and "elitist Democrats". These small-town people were fooled easily by promises that, if elected, the Republic party politicians would quickly act on all the issues that the small-towners cared about. In reality, however, the Republics would NEVER actually ACT on these issues, since they needed these issues to keep this rabid base of small-towners active in their party. It was the only thing that kept getting them elected.

So what was George to do? He was the very DEFINITION of East Coast elitist. He was the wealthy son of a powerful political family. His family hailed from Maine.

The solution was to remake his image. He married a very nice girl chosen for him by his family. She allowed him to have sex with her exactly once, in order to produce an heir, (twin daughters, Lucky George!) who would one day carry on his legacy in Politics if the plan worked properly.

His family also purchased a large ranch for him in the land of Texas, where the so-called "Everyman" reigned supreme in politics, thanks to a hijacking of this title from the legitimate owners of it years before. George cultivated his image as an ordinary man of Texas, a rancher, a populist, an owner of a local sports team (a job he handled miserably, like every other job he had held), and, eventually, the ruler of the land of Texas.

George's image makeover was complete. It was time to run for KingofalltheLand!

No comments: