Tuesday, July 23, 2013

The Perfect Royal Baby Name

Note: As I write this, no name has been selected yet. So I can still hope...

I have the perfect name for the new Royal Child.

Bear with me here. It's hard to write this without laughing, so I may misspell a few times.

Tdblsm Apwlfwa/

No that's not right. I'll try again...

Tuyrdlbsom Apwpleefrts

No, dammit, that's not right either. Hang on. I'll get it right this time.

Here goes. (*snicker*)

Turdblossom Applefarts.

Yes. That's it. That's perfect!

Now wait, hear me out. Seriously.

Think about it for a minute. A. This kid is being born into the British Royal Family. So that's strike one against him right there. I mean, centuries ago, the British Royal family ruled an empire that nearly covered the globe. People around the world lived in fear of them, because they knew their lives could end with a royal whim.

Now, the only thing people around the world live in fear of is which member of the royal family will be the next to cause a major scandal.

So the reputation of the Royal Family needs to be repaired. And by someone with the strength of character to do it. So if anyone is strong enough to overcome a childhood of constant harassment by press and paparazzi and gossip-mongers, while simultaneously wearing a moniker of (*chortle*) Turdblossom Applefarts, well then, such a person could singlehandedly restore the feared reputation of the British Empire.

Even if everyone still laughs behind his back at his name. A lot.

On second thought, maybe it wouldn't work. Oh well.

Still, I may put $5 down on the name. Odds makers would probably give me 15 million to one on the choice. The parents could get seriously drunk and make the choice. I would be set for life.

A man can dream.

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