Y'see, I've saved quite a few MS Word documents on my computer. It's mostly funny stories, jokes, and aphorisms I've been e-mailed, and a few things I've written myself. And, in the interests of preserving this miscellanea for future generations, I hope to post at least one document each week, unedited and in its entirety.
(Actually, it's really just a way of coming up with at least one post per week that doesn't involve me writing anything new. But you didn't hear that.)
Some of the "tales" will be funny, some sad, some touching, some sappy, some angry, some depressing, and I cannot promise you they will all be entertaining. But I'm going to do it anyway.
So having said that, here is the first of what I hope will be many entries in this series, chosen at random from the "My Documents" file on my computer:
Tales from My Documents: Volume 1
Document title: 12 Rules of Life
Date created: 3/31/2003 Date modified: Same Source: E-mail
Text:
Sometimes we just need to Remember what the 12 Rules of Life really are...
1. Never Give Yourself a Haircut After Three Margaritas.
2. You need only two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape.
3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are "I apologize" and "you are right."
4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
5. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.
6. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her -- believe them.
7. Learn to pick your battles: Ask yourself, "Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?"
8. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.
9. If You Woke up Breathing, Congratulations! You have another chance!
10. Living Well Really is The Best Revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about you.
11. Work is Good, but it's Not That Important. Money is Nice, But You Can't Take It With You. Statistics show most people don't live to spend all they saved -- some die even before they retire. And everything we have isn't really ours -- it was given to us by God; He just lets us borrow it while we're here...even our kids.
12. And Finally ... Be Really Good To Your Family and/or Friends. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.
No comments:
Post a Comment