Tuesday, December 13, 2005

The Fictitious War on Christmas

Seems lately like every wright-wing blowhard these days is talking about the so-called "War on Christmas" going on in America.

Pardon my language, but what a giant steaming pile of 24-karat bullshit!

As near as I can tell, the whole non-issue was started by Bill O'Reilly, Christian soldier extraordinaire. He has called for boycotts of everything from Target to Wal-Mart--simply because they tell their employees to say "Happy Holidays" or some such, instead of "Merry Christmas". Apparently, this makes them all non-Christian heathens who will rot in hell for all eternity.

By the way, Billy boy, in just what part of the bible does it say, "thou shalt engage in sexual harassment with a subordinate, including engaging in unwanted phone sex with her, then pay her to keep quiet about it"?! Some Christian you are! Suck my dick, you bloviating nutjob!

(That last bit was added in a desperate bid to be put on O'Reilly's "enemies list". I can't imagine a better way to increase readership of this blog!)

As for the so-called "War on Christmas", I simply have this to say: Yes, there is a war on Christmas, but not in the way Bill thinks. No, the real "War on Christmas" began, in my humble opinion, when the big networks stopped showing How the Grinch Stole Christmas.

Y'see, they can talk all about broadcast rights and other reasons why the special was pulled from the networks, but I have to believe that this line had a lot to do with it:

Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store.
"Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!"

(emphasis mine)

Now, just imagine how happy stores (and other potential Christmas advertisers) were about THAT!

Yes, this simple statement that Christmas was more about friends, family, fellowship, and good cheer--and yes, even about Jesus--and (gasp!) NOT about buying things and going into debt for six months. It probably soured advertisers from the start. This is probably the reason why I haven't seen The Grinch in years (yes, I still don't have cable).

So Bill, if you want to talk about the REAL war on Christmas, I'll be happy to debate you any time you want. Or are you too busy hiding under your desk?!

(Again, a bid to get on his enemies list!)

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have Christmas shopping to do--probably at Target. ;)

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