Well, hello to you the three readers of this blog. It’s time for my 2005 in review column.
And to those of you who are saying, “What the fuck took so long?! It’s already January 8th!” I say Shut The Fuck Up!
I meant to do this entry on new year’s day, but at the time I was nursing a bad back, a broken toe, and a 5-star hangover. So don’t blame me if this column is a few days—all right, a week—late.
Anyhoo, to business.
Best and Worst of 2005:
Best Movie of the year: Batman Begins
Runner up: Serenity
After four movies that went from OK to poor to bad to complete suckage, the creators of the Batman franchise finally got it right—by starting over from scratch. And they finally got the casting right as well. As far as I’m concerned, Christian Bale was born to play Batman. He has the chiseled good looks and the brooding loner character down pat.
As for Serenity, I was a big fan of the original Firefly series on Fox, and I was quite unhappy when it was cancelled. The fact that this movie got made at all is a testament to the power of the fan.
And the movie itself is one of the most realistic sci-fi movies ever made. It’s one of the first movies I’ve seen that actually acknowledges the problems that can be encountered by a spaceship entering a planet’s atmosphere. And, of course, with Joss Whedon’s writing, you’re going to be laughing—a lot!
Worst Movie of the Year: The Dukes of Hazzard
Runner up: Ocean’s Twelve
I’m sorry, but when the outtake reel shown over the end credits is better than the movie, then you KNOW the movie sucks dirty ass water. Jessica Simpson in a bikini can only carry a movie so far—about five minutes, in this instance.
As for O12, I realize that this movie technically didn’t come out in ’05, but I just had to include it because it was SO STUPID! I mean, they must have blown their entire budget getting all the original cast members back, so much so that they didn’t have enough money to worry about niggling little details like good writing or plot development.
Funniest movie of the year: The Wedding Crashers
I nearly peed my pants laughing during this movie. ‘Nuff said.
Movie I REALLY wish I could hate: Catwoman
Dammit, no matter how many times I watch this celluloid abortion, I just can’t hate it. Just when I think it’s losing its effect on me, I see Halle Berry in that costume. Melt!
Maybe one of these days I’ll have to rent B.A.P.S.…
Favorite movie I received as a gift this year: Casablanca
Best. Movie. Ever.
Movie I’m most looking forward to this year: X-Men 3
Runner Up: Superman Returns
I gotta go with the X-men on this one. I’m just not sure the Superman franchise can overcome the shadow of Christopher Reeve. We’ll see, I guess.
Best movie that should’ve been released last year: V for Vendetta
I gotta believe that when this movie finally comes out, I’m gonna love it. If for nothing more than this line:
V: “People shouldn’t be afraid of their government. Governments should be afraid of their people.”
Seems to me that with all the current police state tactics going on in this country today, that line alone is the definition of Democracy. More people need to take that to heart.
Movie I most expect to disappoint me this year: Miami Vice
Two words: Colin. Farrell.
But enough about movies…
High point of the year:
OSU 25
Michigan 21
‘Nuff said.
Runner Up:
OSU 34
ND 20
Maybe next year, the Buckeyes can be in the Fiesta Bowl again…for the championship!
Hey, a man can dream!
Low point of the year:
Texas 25
OSU 22
I hate Texas.
Political high point of the year:
Watching Ah-nuld lose on every one of his issues in the special election last November.
If this keeps up, he may threaten to start making movies again…
Political low point of the year:
Watching all four Reform Ohio issues go down to defeat. Badly. Further proof of just how much influence money has on politics. The campaign to defeat them outspent the campaign supporting them by nearly two to one.
Favorite new TV show this year:
None so far. Seriously. This has been one pathetic season. I’m down to watching maybe 4 or 5 shows a week. The only possible candidate for this category so far is Commander-in-Chief. The jury’s still out on it.
Thank God for my large collection of DVD’s…
Worst new TV show of the year:
Pick one. Just about any new show will qualify.
Show I’ll miss most when it’s gone:
Alias
Even pregnant, Jennifer Garner is hellaciously hot. I will miss her. A LOT!
I thought about picking The West Wing for this category, but I’m not sure if this is the last season for it or not. With the death of John Spencer, though, this may well be the last season. I guess we’ll see.
Speaking of which…
Favorite actor who died this year:
John Spencer.
You may know him better as “Leo” from the aforementioned TWW. I really don’t know what the show will do without him, which is why I think it may be the last season.
Well, that’s all I got for now. You’re welcome to add your favorites in the comments.
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