Wednesday, October 26, 2005


I'm sure you're all familiar with the legalistic warnings that are lately being attached to the end of every e-mail. You know--the ones that say "this e-mail is intended only for the addressee(s) above, if you received this in error, yada, yada, yada, etc."

Well, I figured someone besides me might have figured out just how ridiculous the whole thing is. I mean, suppose I receive an e-mail in error? How is the sender going to prevent me from doing whatever I want with it, up to and including wallpapering my bedroom with copies of it? Sure, I'll probably just delete it, and if I feel ambitious enough, I may even notify the dipshit(s) who sent it to me that they goofed. But how are they ever going to do anything about it?

So anyway, I did a quick Googlesearch and I came across this little gem from this site:

IMPORTANT: This email is intended for the use of the individual addressee(s) named above and may contain information that is confidential, privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humour or irrational religious beliefs. If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or copying of this email is not authorized (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux pas.

Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or grammatical use and may be ignored. No animals were harmed in the transmission of this email, although the cat next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you. Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft.

However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets. If you have received this email in error, please add some nutmeg and egg whites, whisk and place in a warm oven for 40 minutes.

(Note: the bold is where I changed "kelpie" to "cat")

Now, isn't that funny? And don't you think it nicely makes a mockery of all those dire-sounding e-mail warnings?

I'd been attaching it to my e-mails for a couple of weeks now. And today I was told to stop. "It's unprofessional", they said. And the Al Franken defense--"but it's funny!"--was falling on deaf ears.

Sometimes humor is greatly unappreciated.

By the way, I got more than a few comments from people I sent e-mails to with this warning, all of whom said they liked it--it was FUNNY!

I have also changed my standard e-mail response signature to the legalese required by the powers that be. But I've also added my own little protest note to it. Let's see how long it takes them to notice it. ;)

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