More journal entries

>>>All the entries from July. I'm caught up now. Woo-hoo!

7/1/2004


So it’s July. Woo-hoo.

2 days away from the holiday weekend, and forecasters are predicting rain Saturday and Sunday. Not just rain. SHOWERS AND THUNDERSTORMS!

Have I mentioned how much I hate Midwest weather?

I’m too depressed to write more.

7/2/04


What’s going on? Who am I? Where the hell are we going?

Sorry, I guess I drank too much last night.

I’ve gotta stop drinking during the week.

I’ve recently read about the five levels of a hangover. I think I’m at level five right now.

I gotta stop. My head is spinning. You. Go. Play. Now.

Special Insert: The five levels of a hangover:

One Star Hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 cokes and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak& fries.

Two Star Hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.

Three Star Hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke --- yet you haven't peed once.

Four Star Hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice
clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars. Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five shits you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.

Five Star Hangover (*****)
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cubical. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out.
Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about right now....

7/3/04 & 7/4/04

I’m not writing this weekend. It’s the Fourth of July, and I’m taking a break. I’ve got some heavy drinking to do. See you on Monday.

7/5/04

So, I’m off today.

There aren’t many benefits to working for the government. Having eleven-and-a-half paid holidays per year is one of them.

Yesterday was the Fourth of July. In this country, we apparently celebrate it by getting drunk and setting off illegal fireworks. Come to think about it, we celebrate a lot of holidays that way.

There’s also something that happens called “A Capitol Fourth”. Broadcast on PBS, it’s a usually entertaining. It also usually rains.

It’s also usually hosted by Barry Bostwick. He’s quite a talented actor.

It also usually has many, many big stars performing for it. And they sing patriotic American tunes.

So who was the star performer of this concert? CLAY FUCKING AIKEN!!!

I’m sorry, but the current people who purport to be the big stars of the day, like Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera, are not musicians. They are glorified Karaoke singers. Hell, I can dance around and lip sync to other people’s songs too. I don’t make millions doing it.

Here’s a little tip: If it’s an American Fourth of July concert, try playing some PATRIOTIC SONGS! I don’t want to hear Clay “queer-as-a-three-dollar-bill-and-I-don’t-care-what-you-say-to-the-contrary” Aiken sing his latest song. I want to hear the marches of John Philip Sousa.

Maybe I’m just bitter.

7/12/04

Yeah, I know. I’m behind on my journal keeping. STFU already.

So I had my sleep study last night. My doctor thinks part of my high blood pressure is caused by sleep apnea. So fine. I’ll let them study how I sleep. No problem, right?

WRONG!

Here’s what happens. You go in at 7:30 at night. You answer some questions, fill out some forms. No problem.

Then, the nurse GLUES electrodes to your head. 10 of them. Then, she tapes 4 more to your face. Then, she tapes two to your chest. You get a strap around your upper torso, a strap around your abdomen. Two more wires are attached to your face, one under your nose, one on your chin. 4 wires are attached to your legs. A blood gas meter is taped to your finger. You are made to lie on the MOST FUCKING UNCOMFORTABLE bed in history. And then they tell you to go to sleep. While someone watches you on a night vision camera.

So yeah. I got a WHOLE LOTTA sleep.

But the torture doesn’t end there. Then you have to go through a series of four half-hour naps. After I laid awake for 2 of them, I gave up. Hey, a guy has limits.

I’m not sure what my doctor will tell me when I see him next week. But I have to doubt just how accurate this study was.

7/13/04

Back to work. I took the day off yesterday for my sleep study. Today back to the grind.

Not much to tell. I may get into another political rant soon.


7/15/04

Yeah, I know. I missed yesterday. Lay off me

Gee. Another terror alert. Why do these things always seem to happen whenever something negative about Bush comes out?

I think the good folks at www.whitehouse.org got it right:

http://www.cafeshops.com/thewhitehouse.5194525?zoom=yes#zoom

Yeah, Right on!

7/20/04

OK, OK, I realize I haven’t written anything in my DAILY journal for 5 fucking days
I’ve been busy. Give me a break.

OK, I admit it. I’ve been "busy" playing The Sims.

And drinking.

And goofing off.

And a small amount of work.

Yeah still. Five days. Sheesh, even the naked critic (www.thenakedcritic.com/journal.htm) has a better record than I do.

I’ll try to make up for that later. Right now I’ve been busy downloading naked skins for my sims.

God, I’m a pervert.

Either that, or it’s just been so long that I may have forgotten how.

I hate my life.

7/21/04

So, I saw the sleep specialist yesterday.

Apparently, according to the results of the test, I have trouble sleeping well on a medieval torture rack of a bed with 30+ wires hooked to my body and someone watching me on night vision camera (see 7/12/04 for more details). Gee, go figure!

But the torture isn’t over. I have to go BACK a week from Sunday. And go through the whole thing all over again. Only this time, they’ll test me with a breathing mask. It’s called a PAPS. I guess that means Positive Airway Pressure System. I think it forces air into your respiratory tract to keep it open.

As if the previous tortures weren’t enough, now they want to blow me up like a balloon.

Of course, the doctor also told me to lose weight. Fucking doctors. What do they know?

I think most of my health problems can be traced to being 60+ lbs overweight. High blood pressure. High cholesterol. Sleep apnea.

Maybe I should start excercising.

Nah, that's too much work!