Bravo, Mr. President

President Obama has given a speech defending the planned building of an Islamic community center near the area where the World Trade Center once stood. And he gave this speech despite overwhelming criticism of the idea.

It is a move that will make him more unpopular. And it is a wagonload of fresh meat thrown to the conservative blowhards that have been screaming about him from the day he took the oath of office.

It is also a move that gives me a glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, this President might finally be willing, in some small way, to start sticking to his principles.

This country was founded on the principle of religious freedom. It is the first right enumerated in the first amendment of the Bill of Rights (Look it up). And like it or not, there are over a billion Muslims in this world. And the vast majority of them are good, decent people who were appalled by the attacks of September 11th. Millions of Muslims live and work in this country. They defend it every day in the armed forces, the police, and the fire departments of our country. And they know that while the monsters who flew those planes into the WTC, the Pentagon, and a field in Pennsylvania may have claimed to be Muslims, they were about as far removed from the true Muslim faith as an anthill is from Mount Everest.

Look, the group that proposes the building of this mosque is dedicated to improving relations between Islamic countries and the west. And I can't think of any better way to do that than to ensure that there is a place where people can learn the true meaning of the Muslim faith mere blocks away from where people who were an abomination of that faith committed a horrific act against our country.

Something You Think Is a Joke

You see pictures posted on the internet that look like this:



You think they are jokes.

But they really aren't:



If you have any doubts, please read the news report here.


I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that news of incidents like these come from the South...

Yeah, I said it. Get over it. Or secede. Ask your ancestors how well that worked out.

Jet F@#& You!

I doubt that anyone in the world right now has not heard of the Jet Blue flight attendant who, after being struck on the head by luggage being taken from an overhead bin, cursed out the passenger who did it on the P.A., grabbed a beer, opened an emergency exit from the plane, popped the emergency slide, and, well, quit his job rather emphatically.

I've flown on my share of airplanes. I've watched many times as my planes arrived at their gates and 3/4ths of the passengers in them immediately stand, fill the aisle(s), and grab everything they've stowed in the overhead bins and expect to get off the plane within the next five seconds. I've been hit by more than a few bags dumped unceremoniously on the seats below them. News flash folks: It ain't gonna happen! Pressures have to be equalized. Jetways have to be docked and leveled. And the luggage bins have to be unloaded so that transferring luggage can be moved to planes that may be on the other side of the airport before they take off. Believe me when I say that they don't always succeed. These are the things that demand the priority of the ground crews.

I realize that people are lauding this man as an oppressed hero of the put-upon flying class. But please stop to consider for a minute just how many problems his actions caused.

Also consider what might have happened if this man had tried something while the plane was in the air...

The Teen Choice Awards

So. Apparently the Teen Choice awards were handed out last night. Or so I’ve heard. As you’ve probably guessed, I wasn’t exactly glued to my TV watching them.

But, as far as I can determine, these would seem to be roughly the equivalent of the poor man’s People’s Choice awards. Now, don’t get me wrong: I have great respect for the People’s Choice awards. They tend to represent the views of the general public at large, rather than the views of a bunch of snobbish movie critics and other Hollyweird types. Typically, the movies nominated for Best Movie on the People’s
Choice list tend to out-earn their counterparts on the Academy Awards list by an average of five to one. And, while you occasionally see an occasional blockbuster from an Oscar winner, this tends to be the exception, rather than the rule. The most obvious reason for this is that the People’s Choice awards are based on polls of the American Public at large, while the Oscars are based on votes from a select group of Hollywood elites, who generally tend to believe their tastes are far, far above those of “ordinary Americans”

But when I hear about the Teen Choice awards, I am given cause to stop and ponder. Like the PC’s, the TC’s are awarded based on the results of an on-line poll. And, while I have never voted in this poll, I have to believe that not a whole lot of care is taken to ensure that only the votes of people between the ages of 13 and 19 are counted in this poll. After all, we’re talking about an internet poll. And if there is one thing that is universally true about the internet everywhere, it’s
that it allows for total anonymity. I’m sure that if I had taken leave of my senses and decided to cast a vote in this poll, there would have been nothing to stop me from doing so. Hell, I’m almost tempted to cast a vote in the next poll just for laughs. Almost.

So the TC’s are really nothing more than just a lighter version of the PC’s. Another excuse for Hollyweird to throw another ridiculous party and show themselves off in fashions most ordinary Americans wouldn’t be caught dead wearing.

The awards themselves, of course, are nothing more than negotiating tools the stars who won them can use to wring a few more millions out of the Hollyweird brass when they are negotiating the salaries for their next movie, or their next TV role, or their next album. Oh, and the awards are a joke: They are shaped like surfboards. REAL surfboards. 6-foot tall SURFBOARDS!

This years big winner in the movies category was, naturally, the latest Twilight movie. After all, how could millions of hormone-crazed teens (and probably more than a few internet predators pretending to be hormone-crazed teens) NOT vote for a movie starring, apparently, 3 of the most beautiful young people in Hollywood.

An aside: I managed to last through about 20 minutes of the first Twilight movie a few months ago. Then, I turned it off. And spent the next ten minutes looking for an ice pick or other suitably long, thin, sharp object that I could jam into my head in order to permanently lobotomize the part of my brain that carried the memory of that anal excretion of a movie. Fortunately, I soon gave up on my search and simply drank a heroic amount of alcohol. It helped, for no other reason than it killed enough brain cells to dim the memory. The movie sucked, is what I’m saying, in case you didn’t get it.

So the TC’s have now come and gone. Hollywood has patted itself on the back again. And I have to believe that no one outside of Hollywood gives a rat’s ass. I sure don’t.

Once Upon a Time

I have only been in one serious relationship with a woman. Please be advised that when I say "serious relationship", I mean one that lasts more than 2 months.

She was a co-worker. I know that office relationships are doomed the day they start. But we fit well together. We were both reserved, both non-committal, and both working in jobs that we didn't enjoy. But this was a good relationship. Due to circumstances outside our control, however, we both knew that it couldn't last. And no, before you ask, it wasn't because we were having an extramarital affair. Sheesh! You people have dirty minds. But it was fulfilling for both of us while it lasted.

I live in Toledo, Ohio. It is one of the worst cities in America for a single person to live. This is a town that consists of either people who are married, or people who move here after they get married. For reasons passing understanding.

I have hit middle age as a single with a vengeance. I have resigned myself to the fact that I will probably live my life that way. This is due to a combination of factors including, but not limited to, my age, my external appearance, and my overall negative disposition towards others.

If things ever happen to change that, well, then that will happen.

I Don't do Facebook

I do not have a facebook page.

I do not have a twitter account.

I do not use myspace.

I, apparently unlike millions of others desperate for their share of the 15 minutes of fame, do not crave attention like a crack user seeking a rock. This is the only way I can think of to describe these millions of facebook, twitter, and myspace users who lust for as many online friends as they can get their cyberspace hands on. Never mind the fact that most of these users will never actually have face-to-face contact with the people they connect with electronically--it is also highly unlikely that any of these people will also actually carry out an actual verbal communication with any of their so-called cyberfriends.

This, my friends, is the biggest part of my problem with these services. These so-called "social networks" are actually doing the opposite of what they may have been originally intended to do: They are discouraging the development of basic social skills.

Add on to this that it is a known fact that these services are often trolled by predators, sexual and otherwise, looking for vulnerable victims. Victims, I might add, who are not exactly making themselves hard to find. The amount of information some of these people are willing to share about their lives makes me shudder.

I have actually become quite surprised with myself that I write this blog. I've been doing this for more than six years now, and there have been times when, quite frankly, I have shared some of my more intimate thoughts with the 3 people who read it.

An aside: I often refer to "the 3 readers of this blog" in many posts. I have no idea the actual readership. I've gotten comments every now and then. Its existence is not advertised anywhere but in my e-mail signatures.

It is important to remember, however, that I don't write in this blog for attention. I write it so that my personal thoughts, experiences, and opinions will be available somewhere other than in my own head. Over the past 6+ years, I have written some things here that I am, at various times, proud of, scared of, ashamed of, and, quite frankly, confused by. But this is what I have written. I will never delete anything, rewrite anything, or do anything other than make minor grammatical edits to anything I have written or will write here.

So now, climbing off my soapbox...

Let me conclude this post with a little story: I have heard that there is a program available on facebook that allows you to plant, cultivate, and harvest "virtual vegetables". I have no idea if this is true. But if it is, let me ask this of the people who spend time doing this: Have you ever pondered turning off your computer, going outside, tilling some dirt in a garden plot, planting real vegetables, harvesting them, and making yourself a nice dish?

I grow tomatoes every summer. I enjoy using them to make my homemade spaghetti sauce. Try it sometime. It's really delicious!

The TEA Party

The so-called Tax Enough Already party has just expelled its leader for apparently calling the NAACP a racist organization.

I'll give you a few minutes to let the irony of that statement sink in.

These Tea Party folks really, really hate it when the government takes their money and uses it for frivolous things as paying people their social security benefits, keeping the country's infrastructure intact, making sure the armed forces are paid, and cleaning up the mess created by a massive underwater oil spill. Of course, they have no problem when these things happen under a Republican administration. Or when said administration spends billions it can't afford to invade, conquer, and occupy another country.

To the members of the Tea Party, let me say this: You are a bunch of useless hypocrites. You are all a bunch of fat white racist twits who not only can't stand that a Democrat resides in the White House, but that he is also black.

To the Southern Tea party members: The South lost the war. Get over it. Someone always loses a war. If you don't want that someone to be you, then you shouldn't start wars in the first place. And yes, you DID start it. Check the history books. The Southern states seceded, and they fired on Fort Sumter first, which is the battle that started the civil war.

To the Northern Tea party members: Your ancestors are spinning in their graves. They fought and died to free an entire class of people being held in soul-destroying servitude. And now, a century and a half later, when one of their descendants holds the highest office in the land, you associate yourselves with people who are no better than those who once wore white robes and pointy hats and burned churches in the name of God! How can you possibly be proud of that?!

Is This the Definition of Irony?

Think about it for a second: A picture of a Polaroid camera taken with the very instrument that basically made it obsolete--the digital camera phone.

By the way? $10 for a camera that no one can use because hardly anyone can find film for it any more. Maybe if they paid me $10, I might take it off their hands.

Drain it Out

The three regular readers of this blog know that I recently spent a week on vacation in the beautiful state of Hawai'i. And in the course of that visit I took a tour of the USS Arizona Memorial, where I found the name of a deceased sailor who had the same initials as mine.

For those of you that have never visited the memorial (I will assume that's everyone) you should know that a tiny trickle of oil still leaks from the remains of the ship constantly. It's considered to be the tears of the dead, or possibly the ashes of the fallen,

But I recently saw a documentary about the sunken ship. And it seems that the small oil leak from the sunken fuel oil bunker has the potential to become something much worse. It seems that after nearly 70 years of lying sunken in 70 feet of salt water and 20 feet of mud, there is the possibility that this leaking oil can become a deluge.

I know that there is considerable reluctance to desecrate the underwater tomb of 1177 dead sailors, but let me say this: I really don't think they will mind if we sink a hose into their tomb and try to prevent a major biological disaster.

I'm just sayin'.

Harvey Pekar (October 8th, 1939-July 12th, 2010)

Those apparently in the know in the world of underground comics are mourning the death of Harvey Pekar. If you have no idea who I'm talking about, I'm not surprised. He was the author of the underground comic book series American Splendor.

This series was unique in that it did not feature an heroic crime fighter or an avenging vigilante of some sort. No, it simply featured Harvey. Being, well, Harvey. Every day. It was his life as he knew it. What made it interesting was that this guy had a life that was, shall we say, less than interesting. He lived alone. He worked as a file clerk at a V.A. hospital. He collected Jazz records. He got mad at people. A LOT.

But people were eating this comic up. Maybe it was because they were sardonically funny. Maybe it was just because people liked to read them and think to themselves, "Hey, my life may be bad, but at least I'm better off than that guy.

But these comics made Harvey's life better. He met his future wife because she was a fan. He appeared on David Letterman many times (until he got tired of being Letterman's punching bag and told him off on national TV). And then, a few years ago, an HBO movie was made about his life.

Now, HBO doesn't make very much that's bad (Although I really didn't get the point of Entourage. Seriously. It's a series about an actor and his three hanger-on friends who go around Hollyweird trying to get laid all the time. And they made a series about this?!)

But I digress. HBO usually makes quality films, is what I'm saying. And I'd been wanting to see this film ever since I read this review a few years ago.

(By the way, he's not really naked. Trust me when I say you should be thankful for that)

So I resolved that the first time I found the film in the library I would check it out. So I did a couple of years ago. And I took it home and didn't watch it. I do that a lot. Mostly because I'm usually too busy watching my West Wing DVD's.

But this past Saturday, I found it again. It might have been fate trying to tell me something. So I checked it out, and took it home where it would probably not be watched again.

But then I read today about Harvey's death. So the first thing I did when I got home was watch the movie.

It's brilliant. Paul Giamatti plays Harvey spot on. And the way you know this is that the real Harvey Pekar narrates the film. And even acts in it a little. And most of the film's scenes were taken from Harvey's comic books, and since they are basically about his life, any movie taken from these books can't help but be pretty accurate.

But perhaps what makes the movie even more poignant now is the fact that I knew as I was watching it that the person being portrayed is now dead. At one point in the movie, while undergoing treatments for cancer, Harvey asks his wife if, since he is a guy who writes about himself (I'm paraphrasing) in a comic book, when he dies, will his character go on living, or will he just fade away?

I have never read any of the American Splendor comic books. And, since I'm sure that with Pekar's death the price of back issues will inflate exponentially, I probably never will.

But I salute you Harvey Pekar. Somehow you managed to take a dull and meaningless life and turn it into something better simply by doing the one thing you were apparently very good at: Telling people about your life.

You are my idol.

The First of 2 Envelopes

I've been pondering lately the current Administration's efforts to dig this country out of the mess it was left in by the previous administration and congress. Most of these efforts have been partially effective at best. And with the Gulf oil spill only making matters worse, this Administration may never accomplish a tenth of what it hoped to accomplish.

I am reminded of a story I was once told about a new Russian premier. I'm sure the story isn't true, and I don't remember exactly how it went, but here is the gist:

The premier of the Russian government resigned in disgrace after his country suffered a major crisis. On his first day on the job, the newly appointed premier walked into his new office. On his cleaned off desk, he found 2 envelopes left for him by his predecessor. On one of them was written, "Open this envelope the first time something goes horribly wrong. The second envelope said "open this envelope the second time something goes horribly wrong.

So, not too long after he took office, something went horribly wrong. The premier opened the envelope. In it was a single piece of paper on which was written, "blame it all on me". The premier followed the advice. And he thanked his lucky stars that the man who came before him had been so smart.

A few months later, something else went horribly wrong. The premier opened the second envelope, hoping to find another way out. In the envelope was a second piece of paper. On it was written simply, "Time for you to prepare two envelopes.

I don't know how much longer Obama can keep reading the piece of paper from the first envelope.

It'll Never Happen Again

I was flipping through the pictures I downloaded from my camera phone and I came across this little number:



So why did I happen to snap a picture of an envelope sitting on the edge of a box, you may ask? Well, Chester, I'll tell you.

The reason I took that picture is this: The box it's sitting on is an empty paper box I keep near my desk for recyclables. On this particular occasion, I happened to flip that empty envelope towards the box. And--I swear to Almighty God this is true--That's where it landed. Perfectly balanced, on the edge, with nothing on either side holding it up (it's hard to tell from the picture I admit, but there's nothing inside the box supporting it, I promise). That box is nothing more than a standard paper box, with sides 3 millimeters thick, if that.

So, I snapped a picture. If I could have shot a video of that envelope as it landed there, I would have done that too.

I don't know what course of events conspired to control the flight of that envelope so that it landed perfectly balanced on the edge of an open box. It's a shot I could never make again in a million tries. It's a shot Larry Bird couldn't make in a million tries. Go ahead--try it some time. Take a standard empty #10 envelope, seal it shut, cut the top open with a letter opener, and flip it about 5 feet through the air and try to get it to land perfectly flat on the edge of an open paper box. Then try it again a hundred more times.

You'll never do it.

I am Dying

Well THAT got your attention, didn't it?!

Seriously, though, I think I am slowly boiling to death in the liquefied remains of my own organs.

It is REALLY hot here.

The daytime temperature is in the upper nineties. The humidity is above 60%. Mix this and stir and you get a heat index of over 100 degrees. Walk more than 2 blocks outside in this weather and you can't help but feel like you've just taken a shower in hot, dirty, smelly water.

You'd think after more than 30 years living here, I'd be used to it by now. But every year seems to get hotter, wetter, and more unlivable.

This may be a product of global warming. This may be a product of getting older. This may be a product of random summer weather fluctuations. It may be a combination of all these factors, plus a few more that I haven't thought of.

What's the solution? Where do we move to? The only state of the union that I've ever visited that has a consistent climate is Arizona. That state has 5 days of rain per year, and the rest of the time it experiences constant desert temperatures. Not my cup of tea. Plus I might get deported to Sweden after getting stopped for speeding and not being able to produce proper citizenship documents.

What? Too soon? Before you complain, Arizona, you deserve all the bad jokes you have coming your way. I'm not the first. I DEFINITELY won't be the last.

It's Finally Happened

So, I've finally gone and done it.

You see, I needed a new cellphone. My old flip phone broke, and in order to get a new one, I needed to stick with Verizon, a company I hate. Note: There is no cellphone company I don't hate. Just to be clear.

And, as I approached the phone sales kiosk, I had in my pocket a coupon for $130 off of an LG Ally.



(By the way, to get that picture here, I needed to photograph it with my regular digital camera, download it to my computer, and upload it to this post. The phone has a great camera on it. Its only limitation is that it can't take a picture of itself. With all the advances in technology, no one has ever been able to invent a camera that can take a picture of itself. Probably because there's not a big demand for it.)

So I bought it. With the coupon, it was free. It's the internet service that costs $30 a month. On top of the phone service.

In addition, this phone has the ability to find out where I am at all times.

This phone has done a lot for me. I can pick up NPR on the phone and listen live. I can type in any song title and hear it in seconds. I can get addicted to Sudoku--wait, that's not a good thing.

Seriously. Do not get involved with Sudoku. You'll never be able to stop.

But I am now officially watched by Big Brother. Willingly. God help me.

Edit: Oh. Have you seen those new Droid commercials? The ones that feature a human eye frantically trying to follow dozens of images, before finally becoming a robotic eye?

How far off can it be?

The Good Guys

For many months now I have lamented on the dearth of watchable TV shows coming out of Hollyweird.

But for many Monday nights now I have enjoyed the new summer TV series The Good Guys.

First, it stars one of my favorite actors from The West Wing, Bradley Whitford, sporting a completely real molesterstache.

Second, it's well written. That's an extreme rare in this day and age of "reality" TV. It can't be easy for the regular networks to come up with pre-scripted material.

Third, this series does not make the mistake of trying to take itself seriously. That is a surefire recipe for success.

Long live The Good Guys!

So I saw it

In a previous post, I questioned whether or not I should see the new Karate Kid. Well, events of the week prevented me from posting my opinions.

And here they are.

I saw it. I was entertained, which is rare for me when it comes to what is coming out of Hollyweird these days.

I was also amused by the little touches, which were an homage to the original: The instructor at one point spreads car wax on his car. He reads the instructions on how to compete in a tournament. He uses chopsticks to catch a (dead) fly.

I also couldn't help comparing it to the original time and time again. The protagonist gets in trouble originally over a girl. He is nearly beaten to death (and rescued by his future instructor) after pulling a prank on his tormentors that goes wrong. He is forced into humiliating repetitive labor that he grows disgusted with, only to learn that it is an important part of his training. He discovers that his instructor is hiding a devastating secret that is only revealed after finding said instructor strongly intoxicated.

It's all there.

But it was still entertaining.

And I recommend this to anyone who has not seen the original. You will enjoy it.

For everyone else, your enjoyment will be dimmed by the constant comparisons. And you may not find it as enjoyable as you could have.

It is not Right

Today I attended the funeral of the six year old daughter of a co-worker. She died from the injuries she sustained after being struck by a car.

She was six years old.

She was six years old.

SHE WAS SIX YEARS OLD!!!!!!

It is. Not. Right.

Every time I attend a funeral, I hear the same themes: They are with God now. They are in a better place. God has a plan. We will move on.

This was a funeral for a six year old. God couldn't wait a few decades?! A better place? What better place is there than growing up in a home with parents and siblings who love you?! A Plan?! What kind of cruel God takes a six year old girl away from parents who love her?! What kind of sick, twisted plan is that?!

At times like this, these are the questions that we ask.

During the sermon, the priest brought up the troubles experienced by Job. As everything good in Job's life was stripped away, he cursed himself, his life, and the day he was born. The one thing he did not curse was God.

I do not curse God. But I question His wisdom on days like this. And I wonder about His plan. Why is He so cruel to those who praise Him?

Maybe someday I will know the answer to that question. Maybe.

A Decision to Make

For months now I have been grappling with a difficult decision: do I go to see the new Karate Kid?

In the first place, the title is wrong: it should be the Kung Fu kid. And I realize that Karate and Kung Fu are both westernizations of Oriental martial arts that have existed far longer than Hollyweird has been aware of them.

Second, I watched the first Karate Kid more times than I care to count, both in theaters and on video. Hey, what can I say: I empathized with the story: a high school nerd, picked on by bullies. I only wish there had been my own version of Mr. Miyagi to defend me. It might have gotten me a lot farther than I am today.

Third, I can't help but think that I can't watch this movie without comparing it to the original. As will anyone of my generation.

In its defense, this movie features an actual 12 year old playing a 12 year old. (Ralph Macchio was 22 when he played a high school sophomore). The movie also stars Jackie Chan, who has starred in dozens of martial arts themed movies, and frequently performed his own stunts. Pat Morita, who portrayed the original Mr. Miyagi, readily admitted that he knew little or nothing of the martial arts. His stunts in the movie and its sequels were performed by doubles.

I have to decide if i will see it.

Future updates will tell.

Why?

Today, I learned that my former boss, a former Republican elected official, apparently jumped to his death from the fifth floor of a Hospital parking garage.

Note: I will use no names or other specific references in this post. Those who want to know who I am talking about can find out easily enough.

I currently know next to nothing about the circumstances. This was a man who, at 53, apparently decided that it was not worth going on.

As of this writing, it is being considered a suicide. The fact that it happened in the parking garage of a hospital is telling. I will wait and see if anything further develops.

I am sad, angry, confused, and devastated, in no particular order. This man ran the office I worked in for 14 years. He was well-liked by almost everyone who worked for him. When he lost his job, It was a blow to nearly everyone there, myself included. It should be noted that I don't like many Republicans. I liked this guy. He wasn't afraid to put politics aside and do the job he was elected to do. It's an attitude that probably cost him his job.

I can't imagine what can drive a person to decide that it is no longer worth the effort to continue living. I hope that I will never reach that decision. I have family and friends. And a dog.

We Love You Ah-Nuld!

Ever since Arnold Schwarzenegger became the Republican Governor of California, I've refused to watch a single one of his movies. Fortunately, this really hasn't been much of a sacrifice since most of his movies sucked dirty ass water.

But recently, he said something that may just redeem him in my eyes:

"I was also going to give a commencement speech in Arizona. But with my accent, I was worried that they would try to deport me back to Austria. So I canceled that idea right away."

Oh mercy, that's funny.

I must admit I'm of a mixed mind about this legislation recently passed in Arizona. On the one hand, I'm definitely opposed to illegal immigration. But on the other hand, I'm opposed to legislation being passed that allows--in fact forces--the police to accost any citizen with brown skin walking down the street and demand that they produce proof of citizenship. It's the first step on a dangerously slippery slope.

Think about it for a minute. Do YOU carry around proof of your citizenship? I don't. The closest thing is my driver's license. Which may not be enough. Someday.

They Served Too

Today is the day we honor the fallen members of our Armed Forces.

The question I ask is how many have fallen who have been given no honor at all.

Let's start with:

Blacks: During the American Revolution, any black soldier who fought in George Washington's army was promised his freedom, and generous payment for it. This promise was frequently never kept. Many of them were even returned to slavery after their service.

Women: Women served actively in the military during every war since the Revolution. And yet most of the time their service was never recognized or rewarded. In most cases, it was often ignored.

Homosexuals: The case of Margarethe Cammermeyer springs immediately to mind. This is a woman--not American born, but a naturalized citizen--who dedicated her life to serving America as a military officer. But when she revealed she was a lesbian, she was immediately dishonorably discharged. The narrow-minded military policy against gays once again deprived it of a valuable asset, a college-educated, highly skilled nurse, for no other reason than her sexual orientation.

On this day, when we remember our fallen military heroes, let us also pause to remember those who will never have a chance to receive the same honors, because they were simply born at or of the wrong place, the wrong time, the wrong gender, the wrong race, or the wrong orientation.

A Random Thought

Today I had a random thought, which I think has potential.

Today we were treated to the theatrical release of Prince of Persia: Sands of Time. This movie is apparently based on a popular video game.

An aside: Why would the movie's makers cast Jake Gyllenhaal as the titular character of the movie?! He's about as Persian as Woody Allen! I realize that having a popular actor helps out at the box office, but surely there is some well-known actor of Persian descent who could have filled the role...

But I digress. In the past few years, we have seen a number of movies derived from immensely popular video games. In no particular order, we have seen often more than one film based on Mortal Kombat, Doom, Resident Evil, Max Payne, Street Fighter, Tomb Raider and Final Fantasy, just to name a few. The list gets bigger if you include animated movies produced in Japan.

The movies themselves have met with generally mixed reviews. It may be impossible to make a movie that lives up to the expectations of the fans of a game that is loved by millions, or tens of millions, of fans.

But my thought was this: why not try tapping the people who make these games, who obviously know how to create popular entertainment?

There's a chance this has already happened. Maybe some of the people who create these wildly popular games already work in Hollyweird.

But, given what's coming out of there these days, I seriously doubt it.

Meanwhile, I'll keep waiting for the adaptation of Half-Life. It's got to come eventually...

Why is Anyone Surprised?

Anyone who has followed the news over the past few weeks has watched as BP has tried--and failed--many times to cap the uncapped underwater oil well that is spilling tens of thousands of gallons of oil into the Gulf of Mexico every day. They have also watched as the government has stood back and waited for them to fix the problem, using everything from drilling a second hole into the gushing broken well to cap it to trying to use a giant concrete condom to cap the gusher. Nothing has worked--yet.

Why are people surprised that nothing has worked?

Companies that tap our planet's natural resources to produce energy have only one interest in common--to get as much profit as they can out of the ground with as little expense as possible. Safety be damned.

We have seen this happen time and time again with coal mine disasters. Miners die, inevitably as a result of safety cutbacks. And now we have seen an offshore oil rig that failed as a result of shoddy safety practices. And that failed offshore rig is continuing to pump oil into the Gulf. It is guaranteed to become the worst environmental disaster in history. The Gulf states may never recover from it.

But the corporations will survive. Because they always do.

The Lost--cops out

OK so it had no choice.

What else could it be but a cop out?

It turns out he was dead all along. Lame, lame, LAME!

It could not possibly have lived up to the expectations everyone had.

I should expect no less from the man who took the Gene Roddenberry Star Trek Universe out into the courtyard, tied it to a tree, gave it a cigarette, and executed it.

I'm talking to YOU, J.J. Abrams!

OK What the Hell?!

THAT is a finale?!

Please post a comment if you think the finale of LOST sucked the sweat from a dead bear's anus.

Are. You. Kidding. Me.

Edit 11:11 PM Well the finale has gone past the normal ending of prime time. We will wait...

A Glimmer of Hope...Dashed

Official results of yesterday's pivotal primary and special elections were announced today. On the morning news.

An aside: As a Democrat-leaning independent, I have to say I'm mostly pleased with the results yesterday. Particularly in the Pennsylvania Senate race.

But I digress. This morning, as I wandered into the office, I caught a snippet of conversation between two of my female co-workers. I picked up the words "vote" and "last night".

Finally, I thought to myself. It's finally happened. The people in my office have decided to take an interest national politics. My tireless work to get these people interested has paid off! I was ecstatic.

The feeling lasted about ten seconds.

As I wandered over to join the conversation, I realized as I got closer that they were talking not about the results of yesterday's elections, but about voting on American Idol. I should've known better than to get my hopes up.

I weep for the dying IQ of this nation.

An Obama Assassination Geometry Lesson

It seems that a geometry teacher in Alabama has used a theoretical assassination attempt of President Obama as an example in his geometry class.

I really don't know where to start.

Threatening the life of the President is a Federal offense. I don't care how innocuous it may have been. This guy should go to jail. I can't imagine what the outcry over this would be like if a geometry teacher in a high school in, say, Massachusetts had done the same thing using George W. Bush as an example.

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. This is, after all, in Alabama, which produces politicians like this.

I weep for the dying IQ of this nation.

Crystal Crazy

My city of Toledo has gone completely Crystal Bowersox crazy.

This American Idol winner wannabe came to Toledo today, performed at an Open air concert (where she apparently showed up late and sang two songs and then left), went to the Ottawa County fair, then returned to Toledo to sing the National Anthem at the Mud Hens game (the Mud Hens, by the way, will ALWAYS be more famous than any American Idol contestant), and then ran back to Hollyweird.

She is NOT from Toledo. She is from a place in Ohio called Elliston. Search for it on the web. You won't find it. You also won't find it on any current map of Ohio. That will no doubt change after this year. It's an "intersection town". If you are driving down a two-lane highway and come to a stop sign, you will see a few houses scattered nearby. That's what this town consists of. That, and a couple of churches.

I have NEVER watched a single episode of American Idol, and if I never watch an episode of the show, I will consider one of my life's goal's fulfilled.

I have probably said this before: I imagine the following meeting in FOX's production office:

"Hey! I have an idea for a show! Let's send out a call for every no-talent hack in the country to come and audition in front of cameras while singing badly over-produced Karaoke. We'll get a trio of judges with no power to change anything that will include a snarky English guy, a fading Pop star, and a token Black man that no one has ever heard of to choose the people that get to face up to whichever faction can manage to muster the most artificial internet and text votes to keep them in the game.

The sad part is that this show has become one of the most popular shows in the nation.

I weep for the dying IQ of this nation.

The Fuglies

Attention any female readers of this blog: I am about to be a shallow, insensitive prick. Stop reading NOW!


Are they gone? OK, good.

The president has announced his nominee for the next supreme court justice:



Yes folks, meet Elena Kagan.

A woman who, not to put it mildly, looks like she took a nose dive out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

(I did warn you!)

The Democrats seem to want to select the ugly ones: Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Janet Reno, Nancy Pelosi, Teresa Heinz-Kerry. Don't get me wrong--there are a few exceptions.

Meanwhile, Republicans have ones like Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin, Laura Ingraham.

I guess that having a soul and a conscience apparently weighs you down enough that the warts start to show.

It must be easy to be cute if you don't care about the welfare of others.

From the Department of Redundancy Department

I was at my dad's house today, and I was flipping through the cable TV channels, looking for something that would convince me to get cable (as I have done many times before, without success).

On the Fox Sports Channel for Detroit, I encountered a baseball game between the Indians and the Tigers. The Channel info described the game as being "MLB Baseball".

MLB stands for "Major League Baseball". So the channel info stood for "Major League Baseball baseball."

I weep for the dying IQ of this nation.

It's Not Right

Today I took one of my occasional (about once a month) trips to Costco. I needed to stock up on a few things.

Two of those things were cans of V-Fusion juice and cans of Coke. If you've never tried V-Fusion because the whole vegetable thing scares you off, then don't sweat it--The stuff is great! All you taste is the fruit juice (This commercial announcement NOT paid for by Campbell's!)

But my problem is this: 24 11.5 oz. cans of V-Fusion cost $15. 32 12 oz. cans of Coke cost $9.

An 8 oz. glass of V-Fusion contains a full serving of fruits and vegetables, contains only natural ingredients, and is extremely good for you. A 12 oz. can of Coke is...incredibly NOT.

You have to pay twice as much for the healthy products as you do for the unhealthy ones. Is it any wonder most people tend to take the easy way out?

Ballbuster Video

Recently I have heard news that Blockbuster Video rental has encountered financial problems. I couldn't be happier.

You see, a few years ago, I was a BV member. I rented videos from them regularly.

An aside: Those of you younger folks may have heard stories of how us geezers would sometimes make trips to video rental stores. There we would pay a small fee to obtain copies of movies released on VHS tape, take them home, watch them 1 or 2 times, and then return them to the same rental store so others could do the same thing. It happened a lot. Often enough that said stores would be very profitable.

One of the features of these stores was that they would often charge fees when these videos were returned a day or more later than they were rented for. This was understandable, to a certain extent--Not having copies available of a certain movie that was in high demand cost the store money, and they were within their rights to expect their customers to make that up to them the next time they tried to rent a video.

But where Ballbuster Video went wrong was this: I returned a movie one day late one time. A few weeks later, I received in the mail a bill for $2 for my late fee.

No other video rental store on the planet had ever sent me a bill for a late fee. They all assumed (safely) that I would simply make it up to them the next time I rented a video, which I was willing to do.

My reaction? I immediately tore up my Bal--er, I mean Blockbuster Video card. I have never since rented a video from them, nor will I ever do so in the future. (I never paid the bill, by the way, and I never will)

Seriously. Think about it for a minute, Blockbuster. You sent me a bill for $2, and you lost a customer for life. And pause to think for a minute about the number of people I have told this story to over the last few decades, including the 3 readers of this blog.

You deserve to fail.

There is Truly no Limit...

...to how far Fox "News" will go...

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
A Farewell to Arms
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Tea Party

God bless Jon Stewart!

Thank You, Mr. Justice

I want to say thank you to retiring Justice John Paul Stevens. Thank you for his nearly four decades of service on the nation's highest court. Thank you for his valiant fight against an ever-encroaching right-wing agenda. It may be impossible to replace him.

But now that's out of the way, I have to point out something. His 90th birthday will be on April 20th. He has been on The Bench since I was in elementary school. The reason for this is that the framers of the constitution decided that Federal Judges should have lifetime appointments. In other words, they could hold their posts for as long as they lived, or until they alone decided it was time to step down, whichever came first. There are, of course, ways of removing a Federal judge from the bench by other means, but instances of this happening are few and far between.

The problem with this is obvious: When this was decided, a person living past the age of 55 was the exception, not the rule. A "lifetime" appointment could be expected to last 10 years at the outside. Nowadays, however, a person appointed to the Federal bench at age 40, for example, can be reasonably expected to be able to hold onto that post for 50 years or more, if he or she desires. In other words, said person will be able to hold onto their position of extreme power and influence for 5 decades or more. No one in this day and age should have that much power.

I am definitely NOT advocating elections for Federal judgeships--one need look no further than any of the states that elect judges to their positions to see what a disaster THAT would be. What I am advocating, as have many before me, are term limits for federal judges. A 10, 15, or 20 year term for a federal judge would be much more acceptable. That way, no judge ever has the ability to impose his or her personal ideology on a society that may have become radically opposed that personal ideology, for better or worse.

I know it's a pipe dream, but wouldn't it be nice?

The Mission

This morning I attended Easter Worship services at Christ Presbyterian Church (CPC) here in Toledo. At this point, I should point out that I am not a member of this church, but I have attended it many times before, mostly for convenience--the service is at 11 A.M., and I hate getting up early on the weekend. One of the things I happened to notice in the worship bulletin is the 5 parts of the Church's mission statement:

1) Belief and Hospitality: Believe in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, and graciously invite and welcome others into our community of faith.

2) Regular Worship: Attend worship every Sunday that you are in town.

3) Concern for others: Participate in at least 5 hours of service each year with a focus on caring for the poor, sick, and/or disadvantaged.

4) Faith Development: Participate in one small group or Bible study each year.

5) Generous giving: Give generously in the mission and ministry of CPC. Recommend giving at least 5% of household income, and work towards giving 10%

Fairly simple and straightforward. All derived from the various teachings of Jesus.

It got me thinking back to when I studied Islam back in school. One of the things I remembered was the 5 pillars of Islam. So I looked them up, and I would like to list them here. I have re-ordered them slightly from their traditionally listed order.

1) Shahadah: (Roughly translated) "[I profess that] There is no other God but Allah, and Muhammad is his Messenger." "Allah" means "God" in Arabic.

2) Salāt: The requirement that Muslims must pray five times per day.

3) Sawm (also known as Siyam): Ritual fasting during the holy month of Ramadan.

4) Hajj: The requirement of making a pilgrimage to Mecca at least once in your lifetime.

5) Zakāt: The requirement of giving alms to the poor. The standard rate is 2.5% of household income.

Now compare the two.

Really not all that different, are they?

Going Too Far.

It has happened. A Republican Florida doctor has decided to post a sign on his practice's door telling his patients that if they voted for Obama then they should seek care elsewhere.

I really don't know where to start.

Violating the Hippocratic oath?

Disregarding the needs of patients?

Being a total jackass?

I really want to send a message to Republicans. That message is this: You have got to stop embracing the extreme right. No matter how bad things got under the GW Bush administration, we progressives never became as vitriolic as you have become.

When you get to the point where your followers have decided that they will refuse their services to people they don't like, you have crossed a line. What's next? Separate entrances? Separate but equal?

Deja vu, anyone?

Arrested

As I write this, nine members of a "Christian" militia group have been arrested for allegedly plotting to first kill a police officer and to then kill many more--along with their families and friends--by planting bombs at the funeral of said officer.

The scariest part? These folks all lived within a 50 mile radius of me. This wasn't some isolated survivalist cult living in the mountains of Idaho or the deserts of New Mexico or Arizona--this was a group living in southern rural Michigan, less than 50 miles from 2 major urban population centers (Detroit and Toledo). A co-worker of mine lives less than 10 miles from where these arrests happened.

And these were not Muslim fanatics, born overseas and in this country on expired student visas. These were U.S. citizens, born right here, and educated--if that word can be used--right here.

These are AMERICAN CITIZENS who apparently have no problem with thinking that extreme violence against the government of the country they were born in is perfectly acceptable. I wonder what they would think about such a plot being hatched against American troops deployed in Iraq or Afghanistan.

But that's not the biggest irony in this whole affair. No. The biggest irony is that all nine of the defendants have asked to be represented by public defenders. These nine people. who seem to despise the government and everything it stands for, have no problem with that very government defending their rights.

To paraphrase quotes from The West Wing*:

"What do you say about a government that defends the rights of all of its citizens, even when they want to destroy it?"
"God Bless America".

Amen.

*Check out Season 2, Episode 3

In Memoriam

Robert Martin Culp--August 16, 1930 – March 24, 2010

Most folks who are, on average, about 10 years or more older than me, will remember him as the star of I Spy, the TV show that is perhaps best known as being the first network TV show to feature a black actor (Bill Cosby) in a leading role. It was the show that launched Cosby's career.

I mostly remember him from his role as FBI agent Bill Maxwell in The Greatest American Hero, a TV show probably better known for it's title song than anything else (Believe it or Not)

But to a much younger generation, he will be forever known for a far more obscure, and yet also far more notorious role: The voice of the evil Dr. Wallace Breen, the puppet administrator of post-invasion Earth installed by the Combine between the events of the FPS games Half-Life and Half-Life 2. Few game villains have ever been more reviled--a sleazy, smarmy opportunist who manipulated events that took place after Earth was conquered by invading aliens to seize the kind of power he never would have gained otherwise. (For those non gamer-speak savvy folks, FPS stands for First Person Shooter.)

It's a role that probably gained him more fame than he ever got from his other roles. After all, Half-Life became one of the most popular FPS games in history, and its sequel, Half-Life 2 and its follow-up episodes became one of the biggest sellers in video game history, and it earned over 40 Game of the Year awards. I'm not ashamed to admit I played the game. I still play it on a regular basis. It's one of those games that never gets boring.

It may not be the greatest legacy in the world to be known to gamers far and wide as the voice of one of the biggest villains ever created, but I think he probably enjoyed the notoriety.

Farewell Dr. Breen!

There was no one that we members of the human resistance loved to hate more than you!

How Far Will They Go?

Teabagger activists posted the home address of Democratic Congressman Tom Periello on the web and told people to "stop by and thank him" for his yes vote on the Health care reform bill.

Apparently someone took this advice at face value. At this address, the main gas line that feeds the house was found cut.

One problem: The address they posted was not the Congressman's but his brother's. A married man with 4 young children.

I have been increasingly concerned about the Tea(bag) Party. It was Mahatma Gandhi that once said, "First they ignore, you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win."

Well, first we ignored them. Then we laughed at them. Now we are fighting them.

The difference, however, between the Mahatma's situation and ours, is that he was fighting for a good cause. He was fighting for the independence of his country, against a tyrannical colonial power that was oppressing his people.

In this case, however, progressives are fighting against a health care system that has placed profit over people. We are fighting against a health care system that can drop you from coverage the moment you get an illness that might cost them too much money. We are fighting against people who are opposed to big government spending only when a Democrat controls the White House. And we are fighting against people who are in favor of states seceding from the union, and who seem to like it when an AMERICAN CITIZEN loads a small plane full of too much gasoline and crashes it into a Federal government office!

These people are NOT on the side of good, or right. There is nothing about these people that is to be admired. And we cannot lose the fight against them.

March Insanity

It never fails.

Every year, I scoff at the silliness of the NCAA basketball tournament. 65 teams, most of whom have no business being there, play each other in a single elimination tournament that completely captivates the entire country for two and a half weeks.

The first bit of silliness is the play-in game. 2 low level teams that have no business being there in the first place play each other for the honor of being eliminated by a number one seed.

The second bit is matching the 16th seeds with the 1st seeds. In the 25 years since the tournament was expanded to 65 teams, not once has a 16th seeded team beaten a 1st seed.

And the final bit is the inevitability of a first-seeded team or two falling by the wayside. Everyone from the professional sports commentators to the people at the water cooler seem amazed by it. This never ceases to amaze me. How can anyone expect the opponent of a favorite to bring nothing less but their A game to the battle?

And the game itself is silly. It has become not so much a sport as a circus sideshow. After all, how can anyone possibly be that tall?

But I always fall for it. I dutifully fill in my brackets every year. I don't put any money on it--learned that lesson the hard way a long time ago--but I do follow it. And inevitably the choices I make are wrong. Case in point: Only one team I picked to be in the Final Four is still in the running.

But there are stories to be proud of too. I have spoken with a man I work with who attended Cornell. He says that for Cornell to have a competitive team is unusual. The reason for this is that Cornell does not offer athletic scholarships. Imagine how hard it must be to put together a competitive basketball team with nothing but athletes who are not only smart enough to attend an Ivy League school but also talented enough to compete on the higher levels.

Yeah. It can't be easy.

That's why I fall for it every year.

It's Got my Vote!

It's been a few weeks now since the Supreme Court officially announced it's decision that corporations could buy as many elections as they want to (In case you didn't notice, I don't sugarcoat things. I call them as I see them).

And now, one corporation has decided to follow that decision to its logical conclusion.



The saddest part? You only THINK it's a joke. Trust me when I say it's not.

What really grinds my gears the most is the blowhards who claim that the decision also means unions are free to support candidates of their choice. The fallacy in that argument is that unions and other people-powered movements don't have a fraction of the spending power that corporations can bring to bear.

Government of the Corporation, by the Corporation, for the Corporation.

And Chief Justice Roberts has the gall to criticize the President for chastising the supreme court's decision during the SOTU. With all undue respect, Mr. Chief Justice, screw you. I hope you somehow catch a painful, crippling, venereal disease. Of course, since you've probably never been laid in your life, that's not likely to happen.

I told you I don't sugarcoat.

Celebrity Deaths

The past 2 weeks have seen the deaths of Corey Haim, Merlin Olsen, and, just yesterday, Peter Graves.

Many people have pointed out the tendency of celebrity deaths happening in threes--three not necessarily all well-known, but usually notable, celebrities all dying within a two week period. If there is any doubt that this theory exists, simply search "celebrity deaths in threes". You'll get tens of thousands of results.

Many have devoted much effort to explaining this theory, proving or disproving it, or even gambling on it.

Many theories to explain it have been advanced, but my own personal one is this, without any research or whatnot:

Celebrities simply cannot subconsciously allow anyone to hog the spotlight alone, even if they do it by dying.

Meh. Whatever.

As if I Needed Another Reason...

...to not be a Catholic.

Let me say, as I have said time and time again, that I do not have a problem with Catholics in general. I know many and am friends with some good Catholics. Our Vice President is Catholic--And he is a good and kind man, as far as I know. Most Catholics, as far as I can tell, are kind, honest, decent people. Not all that different from most people of other faiths.

What I cannot tolerate, however, is the rigid intolerance of the leaders of that faith, as graphically displayed in the story linked to above.

Figures of authority in any given organized religion by their very nature hold tremendous sway over their congregation. They have the power to declare what is right and wrong, with the full power of the faith supposedly behind them.

However, in this day and age, when narrow minds hold such power, they are beginning more and more to find themselves on the wrong sides of an issue.

I am a heterosexual. Personally, I find the idea of homosexuality repellent (except in certain cases of hot lesbian porn--but let's not go there!). But that's my opinion, and--most of the time anyway--I keep it to myself. If, however, I were a teacher at the school referenced in the news story, and I were assigned to teach the student in question, I would have no problem with it.

The job of a school is to provide a quality education for every student who wants it. It should not and can not matter who any student's parents are. And, in the case of a private school, it should by no means deny the quality education it can provide to any student whose parents can afford to provide it. On the contrary--any parents that want to provide quality private education for their child(ren) should be applauded, not forbidden due to vagaries of faith!

Catholics as a whole need to step back and take a good look at what they are being told by their leaders, both locally and from The Vatican. The current doctrine of the Catholic church was laid down in medieval times, and little has changed since. Such dogma simply cannot thrive in this day and age.

Reflections on a Trip to Paradise

Back on the Mainland of the U.S., during winter, I want to share a few observations about the only U.S. state that is a chain of tropical islands.

* Hawaii is a United State. It is also the only one that cannot be reached via land vehicle of any kind.

* It is the only state that you are required to fill out an immigration form to visit. It may be disguised as an agricultural information form, but let's call a spade a spade...

* It is the only one of two states where you are warned that prices advertised on TV do not apply. Case in point: Subway's $5 footlongs cost $6.99 there.

* It is a state where primetime TV starts at 6 PM.

* It is a state where travel between some of the cities requires traveling either by plane or boat.

* It is a state where you can observe people living in conditions you would expect to see in a 3rd world country. Sadly, the state is by no means unique in this regard...

* It is a state where 70 degrees Fahrenheit is considered a "cool day". Wimps.

* It is a state where residents often speak a foreign language that is spoken regularly in no other state in the country.

* It is a state that desperately needs a lot of help that it will probably never get, due to its geographic isolation and lack of political power.

And, it is a state that I recommend everyone visit at least once in their lives, if they can. There are few things in life that don't disappoint. Hawaii is one of them. For all the negatives mentioned above, it's hard to be unhappy when visiting a state where it is sunny and warm when every other state in the country has snow someplace. I'd live there if I could afford it.

Mahalo, Hawaii, for a wonderful vacation experience. I hope to return to your sunny shores again. Hopefully, it won't take another 42 years before that happens.

A Trip to Paradise, Part 7

Day 7

My last day on the island paradise of Hawaii.

My dad had an early flight to Los Angeles, so he could catch the train back to Toledo

(My dad loves the train. If there was a train to Hawaii, he would have taken it there.)

I had a late afternoon flight. I managed to spend as much time as possible soaking up some sunshine. The shuttle to the airport was 1/3 of the cost of a cab ride. The only way I can think of that cab drivers survive in this state is that they prey on the naive tourists. Lesson to learn: Don't be a naive tourist.

Before I left, I threw the two flower Leis we received into the Ocean. We kept them in our hotel refrigerator for the week. Tradition says that they should be thrown off the boat as you leave the island, However, since neither of us was leaving by boat, and since throwing things off a moving airplane is frowned upon, I threw them off the breakwater at the beach. Tradition also says that if the Leis you throw off return to shore that you will be back. Both of them did, about 5 minutes after I threw them. I guess we'll both be back there someday. (I gotta say that I hope to return there one day.)

My return flight took me back to Detroit, by way of Atlanta. The return flight was a LOT shorter than the trip out there. Tailwinds.

Upon my return to Detroit, there was 6 inches of snow on my car. Welcome back to winter in the Midwest. Welcome back to reality. Crap.

This is my last entry on my trip. Next post, I go back to being the cynical curmudgeon I usually am.

A Trip to Paradise, Part 6

Day 6, continued

After lunch, we headed up towards Volcano National Park. On the way, we stopped at the plant orchard that features the orchid valued at $20,000.



Please, in the name of all that is holy, do not ask why this plant is valued at this. Trust me when I say that it's a claim that does not stand up to careful scrutiny. I bought a $.79 key chain at this store that is more valuable to me than this plant.

We eventually entered the national park. This is a park that contains ACTIVE volcanoes. No one knows when they might pop off again. This is a picture of a caldera of an active volcano. You might notice it's the size of a small town...



The park is also peppered with steam vents. If you recall your basic high school physics, you know that steam is actually invisible. The white stuff that you see is actually water vapor that has changed from complete gas to partial liquid. So visible steam is cooled enough to be harmless. Observe...



(An aside: yes, that is me. Aren't you all glad I don't post pictures of myself more often?)

We headed back down the mountains after this. We stopped at an exit where we could walk through a lava tube. If you ever get a chance to walk through a tube of solid rock that once upon a time had red hot molten lava flowing through it, then do it! You won't be disappointed.

We returned to Hilo, Hawaii, and I was disappointed to find that Wal-Mart had invaded.

At the airport, after traveling through security, we spent our time in the Hilo airport departure lounge. Note to Homeland Security--who will soon surely ship me to Guantanamo--check folks who wear cargo shorts! I had in my pocket a 6 ounce bottle of sunscreen that went through security undetected. I am kidding about this by the way.

I have to say that of all the airport lounges I have been in, this one was the most comfortable by far! The chairs and couches were all fitted with comfortable cushions, and it was very easy to become so comfortable you didn't want to leave, especially after spending a day in constant motion. We nearly missed our flight!

We finally arrived back at our resort at nearly 11 PM...

A Trip to Paradise, Part 6

Day 6

My dad and I scheduled a tour of the big island of Hawaii this day. For those of you who don't know, the island of Hawaii is the BIG island that you can see on every map of the U.S. It is the biggest--and newest--island of the island chain. It is the one that still contains the bulk of the active volcanoes that formed the islands in the first place.

The first step was getting there. We flew out of Honolulu airport via Go! airlines, which is a VERY small regional airline that has dreams of being a LOT bigger. It never will be, though, because it believes in friendly customer service, arriving and leaving on time, and thinking that the comfort of your passengers is more important than making a profit.

We boarded the tour bus for our tour. Our first stop was Rainbow falls. Sadly, due to the extreme drought being experienced by the islands, the falls was more like Rainbow trickle.


We then visited the Mauna Loa Macadamia nut factory and store. If you've never had a Macadamia nut, then you don't know what you are missing. they are delicious, sweet, and not to be missed. If you do nothing else in this life, taste a Macadamia nut before you die. (I recommend the Maui onion and garlic flavored ones.)

We journeyed up the steep island slope. It is important to remember that the Hawaiian island chain was formed by volcanoes. Those volcanoes are still active, and are doing their best to add to the land mass of their island chain. We stopped for lunch at a drive in that resides at the base of a lava plain that covered over six square miles of what was once open Pacific ocean.


TO BE CONTINUIED

A Trip to Paradise, Part 5

Days 4 and 5.

It would be nice to say that we did something on these days, but it would be a lie.

I live in Northwest Ohio. From October to April, this is a city that gets maybe 5 days of sunlight during that entire six month period if we're lucky. So on these two days I spent most of my time lying on a chaise or swimming in the resort pool or lagoon. I applied 30 SPF sunblock in a futile attempt to obtain a tan, but my combination of Scandinavian and Irish genes rendered that attempt futile.

Suffice to say that nothing itches more than second degree sunburn.

I am a simple creature, with simple tastes. I am happiest when I am doing nothing. And nothing is what I did for 2 days on Hawaii.

If any of the 3 readers of this blog have a problem with that, then I invite them to take a week away from their jobs and travel to a place that requires nothing of them other than to lie down and soak up sunrays.

It's not something that's easy to pass up.

A Trip to Paradise, Part 4

Day 4

Returning the rental car was on today's agenda, after a morning spent fat-assing around the hotel doing as little as possible.

Returning the rental car meant going back to Honolulu airport. There were a few ways to get back to the resort once I returned it. My choices were a cab ride, or relying on Hawaii public transportation (= The Bus).

Cab: $30
The Bus: $2.25
(By the way, "The Bus" is not my name for Hawaii's public transportation system--it's theirs. Seriously. It's simply called "The Bus". It's not terribly original, but why should they call it anything else when it's the only one available?)

Easy choice.

It's quite a remarkable thing. Riding a bus in Honolulu is a lot like riding a bus in any other city in the country. Crowded, smelly, and with non-existent shock absorbers. I have experienced being completely dependent on public transportation before, though, and it is not fun.

But hey, the price is right. And I did my small part to help keep Hawaii green.

After day four, we had little to do except a lot of nothing...

A Trip to Paradise, Part 3

(Day 3--Tuesday)

A drive up the East coast of Oahu was on our agenda this day.

We started late, much later than I would have preferred. But we got going. Eventually. Please understand that I have now gotten to the point that whenever my dad and I have to be somewhere, I always tell him we have to be there half an hour earlier than we are supposed to be. That way, we sometimes get there on time. But I digress.

Our ultimate destination was the Polynesian cultural center. The problem was that we were often sidetracked by stops at several scenic pullouts and beach sites. As a result, we did not arrive there until almost 1:30 PM. This caused us to miss a lot of the shows put on by the various students of the center from the many Polynesian islands represented at the center.

Not to worry, though. We arrived in plenty of time to view the 2 PM canoe pageant. This is when all of the Polynesian islands represented at the center bring dancers out to perform on flatbed double-hulled canoes in the center of the main canoe lagoon. This is also apparently when they decide that any first-time canoe-poler should be impressively dunked in the lagoon, much to his annoyance.

We enjoyed a fine Luau with our dinner. Dinner was amazing. The philosophy behind a Polynesian Luau dinner is not that you should eat until you are full—you should eat until you are dizzy. It didn’t disappoint. I think I gained 5 pounds.

This was followed by an equally impressive show in the main theater. The highlight of the show was the fire spinners—and if you’ve never seen them, then let me just say that there are only a few things in life that live up to the hype that surrounds them—this was one of them.

(That's 9 different fire spinners performing there, some of them with 2 torches apiece. And they would often throw them back and forth.)

Spending a day at the Polynesian cultural center is expensive--the full ticket plus other expenses can easily cost over $150. However, while this place is a first-class tourist trap, it is for a good cause: Polynesian students from all ages from Kindergarten to old age attend school there. They get an education, learn to value their rich heritage, extract many dollars from tourist, and (hopefully) take their educations and skills back to their homeland to help others. And the fact that the tourists are entertained is merely a by-product.

Sadly, this was the last day we had a car as part of our package, so we were unable to really explore further by vehicle. We were left to depend on local transportation for the rest of our trip...

A Trip to Paradise, Part 2

Day 2 (Monday)

A trip to Pearl Harbor was on our itinerary. This was my first trip to the Aloha State. I wanted to see where the great cataclysm began. We began our tour with a walk through the permanently moored submarine USS Bowfin.
(In the foreground of that picture you can see 2 of the memorial plaques to submarines lost during the war.)

The United States submarine fleet in World War 2 completely decimated the Japanese merchant marine fleet, one of the primary reasons America won the war in the Pacific. It managed to do this despite continuous problems ranging from supply shortages to malfunctioning torpedoes to total lack of any support from the surface fleet. 52 American submarines were lost in WW2, and 3,505 sailors are known lost--"On eternal patrol". The American submarine fleet suffered the highest per capita mortality rate of all branches of the U.S. military during World War 2. WW2 submariners earned 7 Medals of Honor, 3 of them posthumously. Despite all of this, this part of history is not well known. There is a reason it is called the "Silent Service".

Then, we entered the USS Arizona memorial theater. We viewed a short film on Pearl Harbor, and then boarded the Navy launch to the memorial.

Once there, we saw the hull of the sunken ship. I entered the memorial. My eye immediately moved to the Johnson surnames, and I saw the name “E.R. Johnson” (My initials.) I was quite surprised. I looked over to my dad, who had seen it before, and he simply smiled at me smugly.

According to a National Park Ranger, the sailor’s name was Edmund Russell Johnson. I can safely say after a small amount of research that the man was no relation to me. It was still a bit freaky though. Other than the man’s name, I can find no other information on him. Apparently just one of the many killed on the ship.

1177 American servicemen died on the USS Arizona at Pearl Harbor. The hull of the ship lies on the bottom of the harbor, holding whatever remains of them. The U.S. Navy considers them all honorably buried at sea.


Currently only 21 known survivors of the disaster are still alive. Survivors, when they die, have the right to have their cremated remains interred in the sunken wreck with the rest of their former shipmates. The last one will die some day.

We then took a tour of the USS Missouri, the permanently moored Iowa-class Museum battleship that was one of the ones built to avenge Pearl Harbor. It was on this ship that Japan signed the documents of surrender that ended WW2, and the exact spot where it happened is clearly marked. The ship itself still contains the refits it was given when it was re-commissioned under the Reagan administration (Harpoon missile tubes, Phalanx AA gun mounts, etc.), refits that were performed even though the Battle of Pearl Harbor had graphically demonstrated the obsolescence of the Battleship 50 years before its re-commissioning. Still, it was quite a sight to stand on top of the ship’s flying bridge and gaze out over the giant 16-inch guns that now stand as silent guardians of the remains of the Arizona. The sunken ship, where 1177 men lost their lives in the worst disaster in U.S. Navy history, is where the war began for America. And the ship that served as the stage for the end of that war now stands permanent watch over them. I'm sure they are all resting a little easier knowing that.



Afterwards, we drove up the west side of Oahu. We managed a brief stop at the Dole plantation. Unfortunately, by the time we got there, it was too late in the day to really explore and it will have to wait until the next time I manage to make it out to the Aloha State to see what that is all about...

A Trip to Paradise, Part 1

Recently, I spent a week in the beautiful state of Hawai’i on vacation. I’d like to share with you the 3 readers of this blog my experiences there.

Day One: Sunday, February 14th: This was the day I flew to the state. My day began at 5 AM. I had a 9 AM flight out of Detroit, which meant I needed to arrive there no later than 7:30 to make it through security. If anyone has not yet experienced the new airport security checkpoint, let me try to describe it:

Take off your shoes. If you wonder why, I have two words for you: Richard Reid.

Remove all items from your pockets that have any trace of metal in them.

Make sure your carryon has no bottles in it larger than 3 ounces.

Remove your laptop from your carryon and place it in a tray.

DO NOT wear a sweater or a bulky sweatshirt. I learned the hard way that this is just an invitation to be pulled from the security line and wanded, at the very least.

Got a bottle of water on you? Drink it. The claim is that this is for security, but it’s really to make sure you have to buy one or more in the stores ($2.00+) past security. It won’t matter if the bottle is sealed or not.

Once we finally got on the flight, I flew from Detroit to Minneapolis/St. Paul for my connecting flight. I was on a DC-9. This plane is probably the smallest commercial airliner that can still be considered an airliner and not a commuter jet. We arrived in M/SP on time, but another plane was still at our gate, so we had to sit on the taxiway for nearly a half hour before we could pull up. And then, there was no one available to pilot the jetway to hook it up to our plane (the mind boggles at trying to figure out why). Combine all this with a severely claustrophobic female passenger who nearly had a full-scale panic attack while waiting to get off, and I had only 20 minutes to make my flight to Honolulu. Suffice to say that it was close.

The flight out took slightly over 8 hours, thanks to a strong (80+ MPH) headwind. At least it was on a big plane, with individual video monitors for each seat. Movies, music, TV shows, and other entertainment are available.

Upon arrival in Honolulu, the outside temp was over 80 degrees. I quickly shucked my long-sleeved shirt and gloried in the warm weather.

I arrived at the car rental agency, and was given a free upgrade to a convertible. Nice choice for Hawai’i, if you discount the fact that the stored car top requires so much space that the back end of the car is twice as large as a normal sedan, and trunk space is virtually nonexistent.


Traffic in Waikiki is horrendous. If you ever get out there, try to find somewhere else to stay...

What Does it Take?

To be an actor?

Let's list the few things we all know about, shall we?

1) Every day you work, you have to wake up, and then pretend you are someone other than yourself.

2) You must become a master of multiple languages and dialects, even if you don't have a clue what you are saying when you speak them.

3) You must completely transform your personality, to become someone totally opposite from who you are.

4) You must toil for days, weeks, months, or years before someone notices that you have the talent to do what you want to do.

5) You must develop a skin of iron, that is completely impervious to criticism.

6) You must be willing to awake at any hour of any day, and work for the entire day, with no guarantee that anything you do that day will even matter.

7) You must be prepared to wear a bathing suit, or even nothing, and work outside when the temperature is below twenty degrees Fahrenheit. You must be prepared to wear a full Arctic outfit in one hundred degree weather.

8) You must be prepared to be constantly photographed by every single person on the planet.

9) You must be prepared to accept the fact that your career may only last 5 years--if you're lucky.

10) You must be prepared to accept the fact that you may NEVER have a career in your chosen profession.

11) You must be prepared to accept the fact that you will have to constantly diet and exercise to maintain your fame.

12) You must accept the fact that if you manage to somehow achieve success, other people will constantly be jealous of you for that fact, and will never, ever say anything nice about you again.

13) You must accept that whatever success you do obtain will be fleeting. It will not last.

If, after reading this list, you have any complaints about actors who have managed to obtain twenty million$ + contracts, well, then, I would invite you to go back yo your high school years. I invite you to remember the times you auditioned for your high school plays. I invite you to remember the rejection.

Unless you're George Clooney.

Drop the Last Three Letters...

...and you get just exactly who uses TWITTER.

In a news story that should be a surprise to no one, it would seem that Twitter has lost the following of a considerable portion of its users.

I have to ask: Was this really a surprise to anyone?

This is a testament to the nature of the beast.

Twitter allowed no person to post a "tweet" that was more than 250 characters (character = letter)

In other words, this phenomenon encouraged people to have as short of an attention span as possible.

Is it any wonder they were a victim of their own success?

Wow

Hey there you the three readers of this blog. I have a few questions for you:

Do you have an old website that you used to visit a lot?

Has it been a while since that website was updated?

Has that website recently been taken over by malware?

Well, I recently discovered a website dedicated to collecting and saving old pages from the web. They call it the Wayback machine.

Of course, the websites it collects are often incomplete and may contain unworking links. But at least someone out there is trying to save the world wide web from malware.

It may be a lost cause, but sometimes lost causes are still worth fighting for.